Can a man change and love
Of course, there is such a category of men - womanizer. They, as a rule, are not too picky about bonds, and sometimes are omnivorous. They are not concerned with questions of morality, they are often dependent on sex, and they drag a heap of complexes on themselves. Going beyond this will have to accept the fact that the alter the spouse will not work and all his adultery will have to endure.
Why do men change?
We are interested in another category of men, fortunately, the most numerous. They are committed to strong and harmonious relations with one woman, but they, under certain circumstances, are capable of treason. So do all men cheat on their wives? Statistics say that about 75% of men are subject to this weakness.
The betrayal of the husband is a signal that something went wrong in the relationship, some of his needs are not satisfied, some energy is lacking.
For example, the wife does not show sensitivity, does not give him enough time, is not interested in his affairs. Perhaps the family is mired in problems, and the new novel allows the man to take a break from them, to distract himself and, perhaps, to remember himself as he was before he was married.
It happens that some do not have enough ease in a relationship, flirting. After all, such a love game improves mood and vitality, but at the same time destroys the family.
So do all men change? Of course not, but practically any of them can be brought to treason.
What if the husband has changed?
If you suspect your husband of treason, act to fix it. Spying and scandals are not included in the list of measures. For starters, you can try to discuss everything and ask him to clarify the situation.
To do this, you need a certain courage, you must be ready to get a direct answer to a direct question, namely, to listen to the confession of treason. Do loving men change? Unfortunately yes. Are all women willing to accept this truth? Not everyone succeeds after such a revelation to forgive and preserve the relationship.
The main thing in this situation is not to decide anything on emotions, not to listen to anyone's advice. It is better to take time out, blow off steam and think, because you can break off relations at any time, but then it can be very difficult to restore, sometimes impossible.
No need to shift all responsibility to the “mean traitor”, both are always to blame for treason, of course, if we are not talking about womanizer.
How to behave if the betrayal still happened? There is no definite answer to this question. It is important to decide for yourself whether you want to keep the relationship or not.
If you decide to keep your family, try to switch, not think about the bad, but on the contrary, remember all the good things that you had, starting from the day of the meeting. This can be a honeymoon, family holidays, trips, birth of children.
During this period, try to communicate only with those who support you and believe in your marriage. Stay away from those who will try to make you feel guilty. If you can not avoid communication, abstract, focus on some scenario, for example, communicate with his parents as with your child's grandparents and skip past their ears notation.
Do not communicate with "well-wishers" who consider it their duty to keep you abreast of all the nuances of the development of relations between your husband and his mistress.
If you decide that you can no longer maintain a relationship, allow yourself to suffer. Set yourself strict time limits, for example, give yourself three days to grieve.
During this period, do what you want: cry, hysteria, beat the dishes. Let the grief come out of you. After that you may want to sleep. Allow yourself to sleep and relax. Come to yourself and turn the page.
How to prevent betrayal
Answer the question, can a man change, if he receives from his wife everything he needs for happiness? Will he waste his energy on the search for what he already has? Unlikely.
The most difficult thing is to understand what your second half is missing. Unfortunately, people rarely talk about their problems and feelings, preferring to bring charges against a partner and reward them with unflattering epithets. If everything was different, the situation could be resolved without bringing it to treason.
You need to train yourself to talk about your feelings, and using “I-statements”: “I am offended”, “I am evil”, “I am upset”, “I am tired”. Try not to use “you-sayings”: “you offended me”, “you deceived”, “you are guilty”. It is also not necessary for the spouse to step on the throat and in the ultimatum form to demand that he urgently admit that he does not suit him in your relationship.
Start with yourself and honestly tell about your feelings. Soon, your partner will take the baton and learn to talk about what he feels. The main thing is not just to listen, but to discuss and draw conclusions. Try to understand what the partner does not like and correct their behavior.
Loyalty in relationships is not a myth, it is possible, you only need to work on strengthening them together. The secret of harmony is simple - do for a partner what he loves and do not do what he does not love.
Who is guilty?
Let us now understand in more detail the reasons for adultery, and whether a loving man can change. Most often a woman is accused of treason: she lost her form after giving birth, did not suit him in bed, did not watch herself. A man, on the contrary, is justified by explaining trips to the left to a penchant for polygamy. What to do if the husband went on a spree and how to fix it?
Find out for starters who is to blame. According to psychologists, the responsibility for the actions lies with those who commit them. According to the latest research polygamous, by nature, both men and women. But unless, as rational beings, we should not think about the consequences of our actions and control animal instincts? The ability to control desires does not depend on gender.
Excess weight, loss of attractiveness, lack of sex are not the main causes of adultery, because they change young beauties, celebrities, and ordinary girls. What is the secret? Is it possible to protect yourself from adultery?
Can! First you need to understand yourself, to understand your essence, to get acquainted with your subpersonalities, their desires and needs, and then to get acquainted with the manifestations of a partner, his desires and needs.
What for? To make it easier to understand and accept each other, not trying to fit the generally accepted standards of an ideal husband or wife. After all, adultery often happens because of the reluctance to accept something in a partner. Most often these are those aspects of his personality that are rejected by our culture and morality.
Imagine now that a person will appear in his life who will accept these of his features. He will not ridicule and condemn, but, on the contrary, he will appreciate and take it for granted, he will help to open up. What is the probability that it is here that he will try to satisfy his needs?
So now let everything? Of course not, but people have certain feelings that are of paramount importance and they just need to be expressed. Often, wives require their men to be not just good boys, but girls who are excellent in starched aprons. They just want to make their husbands comfortable, and sometimes they need to be wild and evil.
So, let's talk about the main causes of adultery and how to get out of the situation.
Birth of a child
Perhaps the most common reason. Not all couples go through this test. The appearance of the baby changes the whole way of life of the family, all the time women are devoted to the child, and if you add sleepless nights, sexual failures, lack of attention and elementary ability to communicate in a relaxed atmosphere, the child becomes for the husband not just an obstacle, and sometimes a competitor. All this makes a man seek happiness on the side.
What to do? Allocate time for a husband. It is better not to care about cleaning, but to find time for sex. He will forgive you the dust on the dresser, but the lack of intimacy is unlikely, and you will agree that you will like this activity more.
Violation of personal space
Almost every man has a hobby. Someone plays hockey, someone plays billiards on Fridays, someone has the largest collection of photos of Maya Plisetskaya, someone cannot imagine his life without World of Tanks, and someone goes to the bathhouse on Saturdays. And if women are willing to sacrifice their hobbies, most men are not. Therefore, if you forbid your husband from doing what he likes, it will ruin your relationship and distance him from you. The husband will get the feeling that you are strangling him, restricting his freedom.
Of course, if you need his help, just ask your spouse to put off his favorite activity this time, but do not put ultimatums, do not demand and do not press him. Respect his hobbies, and even better share, it will benefit your relationship.
Disgusting feeling, destroyed a lot of families. With jealousy you are destroying the image of a desired woman that has developed in relation to you with your husband. By doubts in yourself, you make him think that there are other, more worthy women, and you can push him to change. Being jealous from scratch, you cause aggression in a man, and he gradually loses interest in you. Can a loving man change in this situation? The answer is obvious.
What to do? Work on yourself, become an independent person. Then you will simply attract more of his attention.
A man is a breadwinner. Bringing a mammoth home, especially if this mammoth is big, he feels like a really cool guy. Unfortunately, financial stability is a variable quantity, and if the family started having problems with money, it strongly beats the man’s vanity.
If, in addition, the wife begins to demean his dignity, constantly remind of failure and aggravate the situation, the relationship can be completely upset. Do all men cheat on their wives if they constantly beat their ego? Maybe not all, many just break off relationships.
Tell your man that he is strong, that he will succeed. Inspire, and he will move mountains!
Call of nature
Some representatives of the stronger sex are justified by the call of instinct. Fertilization of the largest number of females is the immutable law of nature.
However, people are not animals. Having a permanent partner, it is possible to resist the base passions.
A mature conscious person has a developed sense of duty to his wife. Many find it difficult to take responsibility for their own actions. To justify a betrayal solely by biological necessity, predominantly immature individuals are capable.
In the genetic memory of mankind preserved information about the conquests. Nothing has changed now. Only the goal to win the distant lands was transformed into a struggle for a career, money, fame, recognition in society. When there are some difficulties in the work, there is a feeling of inferiority: due to the lack of the desired status, not enough money to support relatives, unemployment. Frustrated careerist concentrates efforts in the wrong direction. Seducing girls brings a temporary sense of sufficiency. In this way, the traitor tries to assert himself. The main thing - to get the "trophy". Intimate relationships partially replace the need for self-realization.
Studies by the British Institute of Economics have revealed a correlation between mental level and the tendency to violate marital fidelity. Highly intelligent men more faithful companions. A successful, loving man who knows how to earn is approved as a person. The accomplished mission "getter" gives a sense of usefulness. Professional development eliminates self-esteem at the expense of women.
Middle age crisis
“Have I tried everything in my life?” - the main worrying question for forty-year-olds. During the period of middle age, many are disturbed by the feeling of discontent with the joint marital past. The zeal to catch up arises, if the breadwinner of the family is completely devoted to career, business, science. Former deserved success, loving wife, children fade into the background. Understanding the approximation of old age pushes on previously unusual actions.
It is important for a person to feel admiration, approval, support, love. If the wife forgets to please the faithful with tender words, he changes with a young passion. The enthusiastic look of a young girl inspires new achievements, stimulates development. That is why a married man decides to adultery at the age of 40.
Lack of love in childhood
The loving behavior of the stronger sex can be the result of improper parenting. It seems to some individuals that sexual relationships will fill the mother’s carelessness in childhood. Such reasoning is driven by infantilism, an immature look at partnerships. Sex is perceived as a confirmation of love.
The desire to be loved can not be suppressed by an abundance of intimate relationships. A distorted view of a normal family appears more often due to the participation of a nanny. Care teacher is not enough to fill the maternal affection. The appearance of a strange woman child perceives the norm. Subsequently, the model of the presence of a third-party person affects the future life.
Desire for revenge
Another psychological explanation for the desire to change is revenge. The negative sexual experience of a person affects the subsequent relationship. Resentment for the betrayal of the former girls are postponed on an unconscious level. Offended guy driven by a desire to take revenge on the female sex. He hurts a new girl for past sufferings. There are also situations when consciously avenge a particular person.
Search for new experiences
Representatives of the stronger sex complain that monotony, lack of new experience, pushes them to campaigns "to the left". Romantic feelings eat routine and life. The lack of emotions inside the relationship pushes to search for vivid impressions from the outside. When boredom appears, the spouse may stumble, even if he loves his wife.
Another lady gives a sense of novelty. Uncertainty is intriguing. The husband violates marital fidelity, although he continues to harbor tender feelings for his partner. Romantic intrigues exclude the solution of everyday issues, the fulfillment of duties, therefore, they can for a long time please the wrong.
A loving man will not change and look for acuity on the side, if you bring bright colors into the routine in a different way. Joint new hobbies, practicing extreme sports help to avoid a crisis in relationships.
Men love with their eyes. Beauties attract their views. When the beloved ceases to pay attention to appearance, a connoisseur of feminine beauty is looking for another object of admiration. Pleasure brings only the contemplation of the appearance of the girl. However, the risk of being seduced is always there.
Appearance darling is important. It is necessary to monitor the figure, eat right, play sports. In home clothes you need to look beautiful. Otherwise, an exemplary family man risks being seduced by a sly rival.
The birth of a child pushes sex into the background. Spouse refuses beloved, ignores his need for intimacy. Most attention goes to the baby. Coldness spouses provoke treason.
Another problem is the feminine property to manifest itself in the role of the mother in relation to the partner in life. When they see the devout in the role of mother instead of the seductress, sexual desire disappears. It is important for mothers to realize the danger of such behavior.
The coldness of darling
A man can love and change, if the chosen one gets scandals without cause. Saw wife discourages spouse's desire to hurry home. The family is meant to bring joy, and frequent quibbles gradually cool the senses. Repeated insults, belittling merits, accusations are an indicator of disrespect. Will the chosen one be faithful when the beloved neglects his commitment? Probably not.
Some are prone to adultery to a greater extent than others. Someone justifies the betrayal and finds explanations for him, someone condemns and remains faithful to the spouse all his life.
It is not necessary that after receiving something from the woman he loves, the spouse will begin to change. A mature person who observes moral principles does not even think of betraying the second half. Problems of misunderstanding need to be solved between two people. If a man loves he is aware of loyalty as an important family value.
Lack of sex
Unsatisfied man will look for a woman on the side, and this is the law. And no matter how often you have sex, the main thing here is its quality. Nine percent of betrayals occur due to dissatisfaction with sex life, according to statistics. Do all men change if their wives do not satisfy them in bed? Most!
Study your man, talk to him, discuss sexual problems and share your desires. He wants to be a good lover, so let him that, let him try for you. Otherwise, he decides to become a good lover for someone else.
Causes of male adultery
1. Tendency to change. The tendency of a man to change depends on his education. Как я уже сказал выше, есть мужчины – которые не могут не изменять, так как измена является для них частью их жизни. Они изменяют не только потому, что могут изменить, но и потому что хотят это делать. Общаясь с такими мужчинами, я понял, что они даже не могут представить себе жизни без отношений с разными женщинами. Поэтому пытаться привить им другие ценности – дело, уж если не абсолютно бессмысленное, то по крайней мере очень тяжелое.You can, of course, talk about male nature, about male polygamousness, which pushes him to change, and we will talk about it below, but still education in this case plays a very important role. By nature, we are prone to different actions, but this does not mean that they all need to be done, and then to justify these actions with our natural essence. Therefore, it is appropriate to say that there are such men who like to constantly have love affairs with women, and such men appeared not because of nature, but because of education. For them, love victories are a way of life. Women call such men women-workers, and they are not difficult to recognize - such men pay too much attention to other women, they cannot help but do so. If a woman converges with such a man, then she should not count on his loyalty. If she needs her. It is important to understand here that if a person has formed just such an attitude towards relations with the opposite sex and in general towards life, then this person will hardly be able to change, at least without his own desire, or without urgent need. After all, people usually live as they like,
and not as supposedly necessary, especially to someone else. Therefore, the desire to give up pleasure and live the life that you want, many of the womanizer does not. Consequently, either do not agree with such men, if they do not suit you, or do not demand from them what they cannot give you. But they can not, because they do not want. Remember that a scorpion stings because it is a scorpion, such is its nature. And male nature forces him to attend to other women, like a male to females. And the education corresponding to this nature can fix in it unshakable tendency to change. This is when a man from childhood is told that having many women is an achievement and a feat that real men conquer different women and are not content with just one. Therefore, the more a man has and there are women, the better, the higher his value. Moreover, this is not only a men's point of view, but also women themselves may think so. Therefore, for some of them, male polygamousness is the norm, since it is an inherent biological quality of the stronger sex. A man with such convictions does not want to limit himself in his desires.
2. Desire for pleasure. You know, I pay special attention to this moment, because I believe that it is only prudent people who have to pacify their desires and appetites for the sake of both their own and other people's good. All people in this life strive for pleasure, avoiding pain, this is a natural desire for us. But you can strive for pleasure in different ways - you can do it, respecting the interests and needs of other people, especially close, dear, beloved people, and you can be a creepy egoist and think only about yourself. That's when a man does not put the interests, feelings, needs and desires of his woman, wife in anything, thinking only about himself, about his interests, desires and needs, he is a real egoist, the desire for pleasure of which pushes him not only to change, but on many other unacceptable acts for women. For example, to waste money, to excessive drinking, to gambling, and so on. Many women living with such men and with whom I had the opportunity to work said that their husband had become an egoist. That is, you see, from their point of view, he was not him when they met, but became an egoist, after a while. This really happens, for several reasons, I will not deny it. Too good a life relaxes a man, and he begins to allow himself a lot. But very often an overly selfish man can be recognized at the initial stage of acquaintance with him. You just need to pay attention to all sorts of little things in his behavior. And then it will be possible to see whether he is selfish or not. Or rather, how selfish he is - creepy or moderate. If you see that he is everything to himself, everything for himself, everything for himself, which often forgets about your interests and you have to constantly ask him about something, and he cannot guess your needs - draw conclusions. Even in such seemingly distant from things as things like frequent car changes, when a man is constantly striving to buy a new, modern car, one can understand what his nature is. And it's not about money, it's about striving for the new, the best, which may be too rash, which indicates the inability of a person to appreciate what he already has. In itself, the pursuit of the new and the best is the right desire, but the form of this desire may be different. If, say, having a good, working car, a man unnecessarily needs to change it to a new one, striving for pleasure, like a child, then why can't he do the same with his woman, changing it for the same pleasure? You see, dear women, the maturity of the mind is determined by the ability of a person to control his desires. Selfishness, in its unsightly form, is inherent in children, that is, an immature mind. Children, too, are drawn to pleasure, not knowing what this striving can lead them to, and if they are not limited, then they can harm themselves above all. Only an adult, a man - he himself must be able and willing to limit himself, for the sake of a normal, stable life, for the sake of happiness with his woman. If he does not do this - you should not be surprised at his treason, treason. Children demand is small.
3. The desire to diversify sex life. This desire is inherent in so many people of both sexes. The only question is how strong it is and in what form. Over time, everything becomes boring, this is understandable, but in order to maintain an interest in life, in sex, in the opposite sex, in your woman or in your man, some kind of diversity is necessary. A man especially needs this, because his male nature cannot accept the monotony in sexual relations. The effect of Coolidge just describes the theory of polygamous individuals of the male sex, read about it in order to understand what needs are inherent in the male nature. Therefore, the woman or the most need to make some kind of diversity in the sex life, or it is likely that the man will seek this diversity on the side. In principle, if you approach this issue with fantasy and enthusiasm, then you can very well diversify sexual relationships, and so that it will be interesting and bring great pleasure not only to the man, but also to the woman. There are many ways to diversify the sex life. So you can study them and take advantage of them.
4. Dissatisfaction. In part, this point is a continuation of the previous one, only in this case, a man’s sexual dissatisfaction may be associated not only with the lack of diversity in sex, but also with its insufficient quantity and low quality. Also, sexual simplicity of a man can be affected by the simplicity of sexual relations, without, so to speak, sexual fantasies, which have long become the norm for our depraved society. These fantasies, in them, in fact, there is nothing bad, this is a kind of highlight in sex, which affects its quality. She must be present in the relationship between a man and a woman so that they would be interested in each other and be drawn to each other. Therefore, if sex in a man’s life is low or of insufficient quality, he may well be pulled to the left. But this is a fixable matter, unless it is a problem for the woman herself.
5. Lack of intimacy. Sex is sex, but we are still people, not animals, therefore, in addition to animal instinctive needs, we also have human spiritual needs, including intimacy with a loved one. From work experience, I can say that there are not many men who are dissatisfied with their relationship with a woman due to the lack of intimacy with her and therefore change her. But they are, therefore, this woman’s need for a woman must be taken into account. In general, a woman who loves her man has no problems with intimacy with him as a rule. Nevertheless, this point should be given more attention. Rare men who value a woman's qualities, including her spiritual qualities, are valuable in their own way, but their needs are peculiar. Do not forget to satisfy them and then such a man simply will not need you to change.
6. Desire to assert themselves. This is also a very common reason why men change. Such a desire arises mainly in the notorious and insecure men. Not imagining anything from themselves, they want to fill their inner emptiness with insignificant external achievements, seeing in this the only opportunity for themselves to become more significant, above all in their own eyes, by people. But there are also men who do this out of conviction and even with a certain degree of aggressiveness, as they are sure that self-affirmation due to numerous sexual victories is a manifestation of the strong qualities of a man. You can figure out the insecurity of a man in himself and his complexes, a woman can do it herself, with the help of the right attitude towards her man, or by turning to a specialist who will tell her what to do and how. But with the convictions held by the man about sexual victories, with the help of which he asserts himself, things are more complicated. There is already a need to change the outlook of a man, instill in him new values, show him life from the other side. Not every specialist can do it. However, if a man himself recognizes the need to change his behavior, for the sake of his woman, for the sake of his family, for the sake of happiness - he can be helped.
7. Dissatisfaction with your life. Some men may decide to commit adultery due to dissatisfaction with their lives. In this case, a woman may have no relation at all to the behavior of a man who, by a number of other criteria, can very low assess the quality of her life. Hence, he has a need to improve it with the help of new sensations, new acquaintances, new relationships, new adventures. The case is not frequent, but rather interesting, primarily because such a man can treat his woman very well, but still cheat on her. Such a man, in order to stop changing his woman, his wife, and generally cease to be dissatisfied with his life, one has to rethink a lot. A woman in this case should advise her man to change, for example, work, if he does not like her, or place of residence, if it is terrible, in order to improve the quality of his life and at the same time. Then betrayal, as a means of comfort, a man will not be needed. However, if the situation is difficult, if he explains the dissatisfaction of a man with his life by dissatisfaction with the relationship with his woman, thus shifting responsibility for her, and above all internal problems, to her, then it is necessary to understand this issue more thoroughly. After all, the same midlife crisis can affect the vision of a man of his life in extremely dark tones, which will not be true, but will nevertheless have a very strong effect on his behavior. And if a man is not able to articulate his thoughts clearly, explaining his dissatisfaction with a woman, he cannot explain what he does not like, what does not suit him, what he lacks in these relations - it is better to drag him to a psychologist by any means. Otherwise, this dissatisfaction may begin to manifest itself not only in treason, but also in other wrong and rash acts.
8. Revenge. If in the life of a woman there were deeds that caused a strong offense to her man, if she herself was unfaithful to him, then the likelihood that he would change her because of revenge is large enough. But this can be avoided, or it can be done so that the man’s cheating does not happen again because of this reason, and for this you need to start treating him very well, showing him your love and respect, and showing that you value him very highly, like a man It is important that the man feels like a man, and not a rag, which you can wipe your feet. Show him that you betrayed him by mistake, not because the other man turned out to be better than him. In this way, one can dissolve the insult that has settled in him, and then the desire to change, in order to take revenge, will disappear from him. In general, dear women, try not to make such mistakes that can negatively affect your life, and in particular, your relationship with your man. I understand that this sounds somewhat banal, but you know, when a person often thinks about it - about the consequences of his actions, he begins to take them into account. Therefore, I believe that every woman needs to think more often about what her or that act will lead to before she commits it. To this you just need to train yourself. Then you do not do anything for which your man wants to take revenge on you, including through treason.
9. Boredom. Sometimes a man becomes just bored and not interested with his woman, as a result of which he begins to be drawn to adventure on the side. This is one of the most common causes of male adultery, but I nonetheless believe that it takes its beginning from upbringing. Yes, living with one woman who, for example, is not interested in what a man is interested in, as well as engages in children all day long, without paying enough attention to him, can become boring over time. But I can say with full confidence that any life becomes boring over time, and making it interesting, by delivering pain to another person, I consider, for a serious, cultured, educated person, is unacceptable. In my understanding, boredom is not a reason to change, it is a reason for treason. And if a man uses this reason in order to improve his life, but at the same time worsening it to his woman, this speaks of his low moral and spiritual qualities. If a woman is ready to put up with this, she can close her eyes to this, if not, she should think about her more worthy life partner.
10. Weakness. The weak character of the man, because of which he is all on the occasion, can be the reason that the other woman will seduce him and he will decide to change. And if his woman, his wife, constantly pushes them, having complete power over him, then he will change her without any regret. Such weak men, of course, cause disgust, but often women themselves make their men so, driving them under a heel. Those women who want to rule over their men go against the laws of nature. They kill a man in their men. On the one hand, it allows a woman to gain power over her man, and to obtain obedience from him, but on the other, she gets, or a very inconspicuous little man, practically incapable of anything serious, or complete misery, over which any more powerful person can intercept. or less active woman. Therefore, I believe, I am simply convinced of this that for normal relations, a man must remain a man, and a woman a woman. I understand that life today dictates its own rules when a woman needs to take on men's duties - to support herself, her children and even her family, solve problems, do other things for which a man is more suitable. It is difficult for such women to give leadership in the family to a man, especially to such a man who does not even remotely resemble a leader. But it is not necessary to suppress such men. You can try to help them become normal men, there are such opportunities, but you shouldn't make a rag out of them and then wipe your feet on it. Today, you wipe your feet on this rag, tomorrow it will be done by another woman who takes this toy from you not without her, or rather his, consent. A weak man is fond of everything, and so that he does not change - he needs to instill a sense of self-esteem, so that he respects himself and his woman, and does not allow anyone to interfere in his personal life, much less ruin it. And a depressed, humiliated, zatyukanny man - has no self-esteem - it is killed in him. He does not control the external factors, they control it. Such a little peasant could change, and sleep, and a mess of all sorts of nonsense. Anyway, the benefits of such individuals of the male is not much. So, dear women, think carefully before you suppress a man in a man, with the expectation that he will become a toy for you that you can twist and twirl as you wish. This, let's say, little man, can not only change you, but also bring a lot of other troubles.
Here, in fact, all the main causes of male adultery, which I often had to face in my practice. About other reasons, less significant and less common, we will talk to you another time. Пока, думаю, и этих причин более чем достаточно для того, чтобы каждая женщина смогла сделать для себя правильные выводы относительно того, как ей следует и как не следует вести себя со своим мужчиной, чтобы у него не возникло желание изменить ей. Также женщине следует очень хорошо подумать, а еще лучше посоветоваться со знающими людьми о том – с каким мужчиной ей лучше всего связать свою судьбу, учитывая ее желания и планы на жизнь. Ибо не всякий мужчина способен быть тем, кого женщина хочет в нем видеть.
В заключении мне хотелось бы немного сказать о том, в чем я вижу основную проблему мужской измены и почему ее необходимо решать, чтобы и мужчине, и женщине, было хорошо вместе, чтобы они были счастливы друг с другом. Everything, I think, depends on the attitude of people to life and to what they want from it.
If a person professes family values, then this is one thing, and if free love and a lifestyle free from all obligations, then this is another. Each person has his own desires and goals in life. And I think that everyone needs to act on the basis of these very desires and goals, without deceiving themselves and other people. If a man cannot or does not want to live a family life, implying that he assumes certain responsibilities and obligations, then he does not need to marry, have children, and then run to the left, thus creating certain problems for his family. After all, not every woman will accept this. No need to spoil the life of other people, because you can live the way you want, with those who share your views on life. And a woman should also understand that there is no need to converge with such a man who is not able not only to be faithful to her beloved, beloved woman, but also to generally live a family life. Well, some men do not fit for this, if not cool.
And in general, we all need to remember that we are driven not only by our instincts, but also by reason. Therefore, we need to learn to tame our egoism and not to be led by some of our desires, so as not to hurt other people, especially beloved and dear to us people who trust us. So, if a man can change - it does not mean that he needs to do it. If next to him is a good, loving, respecting woman, then changing her - he, I think, is cheating on himself. He betrays not only her, but also himself and his happiness!
Do loving men change?
During the constant practice, we had the opportunity to meet the most unusual cases where the wives were at a loss as the husband can walk left and immediately confess to high feelings. Can a man change, loving wife? Opinion is different for many, but no one has come to the only right decision. Some condemn spouses, writing them down in the "goats", others consider it a normal life for the 21st century. Who is right? To find out, let's try to make out the types of love:
- Pragma (Pragmatism in the character of a person does not immediately cause passion to surrender, but only carefully weighing and analyzing. After a long inspection of a future partner, the decision is made to continue or “jump off”, develops slowly, but becomes indestructible for many years)
- Agape (Practically divine love, because even treason can say goodbye, not to mention other sins. Giving back all of yourself to your loved one, giving warmth, comfort, not asking for anything in return. This love is called “despite”, it’s only 7% of the world's population)
- Storge (Whatever happens, the lover is always there, protects, heals - akin to parental (maternal and fatherly) love. Feelings do not light up one time, they develop gradually, but after they become the most powerful),
- Mania (Passion is born during the sublime attention to the beloved person, if attention, gifts, romantic dates, feeling burns out, the opponent loses craving for the caring side, and therefore the union ceases to exist),
- Ludus (Lack of constant attachment to one person, in view of this, external connections are considered to be absolutely normal, causing spiritual pain does not affect his conscience.) (Example: A husband changes with the former. What to do?)
- Eros (fired up, went out. Love at times, it is possible even without recognizing the name.).
True love types:
High-frequency divorces happen when the bearers of these types of love choose bearers of Mania, Eros, and Ludus as husbands. What is more causing psychological discomfort is the fact that it is women who are in confusion when men do not experience conscientious pangs. Can a man love and change? It turns out, yes, if one feels for the wife one kind, and another for the mistress.
Loving husband changed. What for?
So, the question "Can a loving man change? We considered, let's find out why he should do it. We do not recommend listening attentively and absorbing his confessions, besides analyzing it somehow, since it is not known how he shares his feelings for two (you and the mistress). Moreover, the concepts of love and love are far from united.
The moment of love is a candy-bouquet period, during which minuses are not noticed, the boy is not seen as a future husband, shoulder, wall, there is an exceptional enjoyment of the process (trips to restaurants, cinemas, bouquets of flowers, gifts ...), you get pleasure from increased attention to the female persona. About a month later, a stupor occurs when the veil is removed from the eyes and we begin to see the real look of a partner.
Next comes the search for principles, aspects for which I would like to be hooked, in order to further plan a joint future, the coefficient of the following criteria is derived:
- Good luck
- Intimate compatibility.
If we talk about a man, she also considers the above aspects. In the event that he has found everyone in you, his love will quickly transform into love. But we all understand that the majority of men who initially look for a woman not for a family, they do not all consider, but only certain, at most, bed compatibility. If it is so, then if a man loves, he will changebecause his love is platonic.
It is better to get married when you know about the intentions of the male side, as well as about his past with other girls. The fact is that behavior from the past are well-established ideals that are unlikely to be eradicated with marriage.
Two scenarios in which it is convenient for a husband, while remaining married, to change:
- The wife copes with household duties, the mistress gives only tenderness (read: The husband changes. What to do? | Do husbands change on business trips?),
- Most of the financial component falls on the spouse (a small salary is spent only on mortgage payments, loans ...) (we recommend: How to survive the betrayal of the husband? | How to learn to trust the husband after his betrayal?)
Loving man does not change!
From everything that has already been said, one can deduce that a truly loving man never changes for anything! In order to substantiate and confirm what has been said, we will soon present you with several life stories that have happened to the clients who have contacted us.
If your marriage has not had left turns from the man so far, then we recommend checking on the occasion (see How to check a husband for adultery?), You need to know about the predisposition to this fact, isn’t it? In addition, we invite you to familiarize yourself additionally with the following materials:
- I suspect my husband of treason. What to do? (Sometimes suspicion becomes too obsessive for the execution of rash acts, it is necessary to determine the sources of this suspicion, because they do not always lead to evidence)
- Sleep: husband changed wife. What does mean? (We recommend direct material, which is not yet on the Internet from this point of view, maybe it is worth dreaming to cross with reality?)
- Why do husbands cheat on their wives? (It is easy to say that a husband is a traitor, until you know the true reasons for his adventures, can it be prevented?)
- How to prove to the husband the absence of adultery on the part of the wife? (Perhaps your betrothed thinks you have become a traitor and avoids going to the left to avenge the alleged case?)
The above give definitions and understanding of what used to be a mystery. It will become clear not only that if a man loves, he will not changebut how you should act to never allow it.
The husband has changed, but he says that he loves - lies (the first story).
Quite often in the last days I began to think, is my husband faithful to me at all? Some calls are too suspicious, he takes the phone and runs to another room or toilet, when I'm afraid to talk, he blushes - obviously something is wrong! Previously, I could leave an open account on a social network, now it is coming out and I changed the password. I feel that hides a lot. But I was lucky, I brought him to clean water. Once he forgot to get out of contact and I discovered a three-month correspondence with a girl younger than me by 14 years. When I'm on the night shift, he lights with her. As it turned out, this girl he is not the first, the others threw him themselves, apparently realized that he was for a dog. He works as a carpenter, I manage the cafe, I do everything for him (I do my household chores, I cook, I wash ...), sometimes I even buy more presents than he does, but that doesn’t bother me.
I saw a lot, no longer a girl, so I decided to talk to him calmly without asking. He says he loves. But can a loving husband change? It has become very strange, do loving men change it at all? Help in solving, please!
- For the entire period of marriage, you played the role of a mother for your husband, so he is used to you and is appropriate. Third-party relations will not bring him to anything good, either she will quit him too, or she will try to win back, but since he is with you to this day, he is unlikely to leave, because he got too comfortable. You have to decide what to do, but you should understand that these “parties” will not stop or something serious should work on it, for example, children or a new job, where they will be required to order an order of magnitude more.
Can a loving man change? The love story "Mania" and "Eros".
My activity is directly related to frequent business trips, besides you can get good bonuses. Recently I found out that my spouse likes to take a walk while I am not in the city, I would still understand with one, but always with different girls. Literally before each weekend, she finds young ladies and forth through clubs. Has learned, was in a shock! We have a common child, goes to school, a divorce will definitely lead to serious problems. I talked to him, confessed her love for me, but I can’t believe something, although I began to help in household affairs, she swears she will not do this to her family anymore. I can not sleep with him anymore, I frankly disdain.
Help. How to forgive him and return everything? Will I be able to love him as before? If the husband has changed, but says he loves, is it worth believing? Like the others? Do loving men change?
- The feeling that your husband feels for you can be described as “Mania”, because only in your absence does he begin to resort to cheating with other girls. He is testing “Eros” for them, which means that no continuation, including leaving the family, is expected in the near future. Do loving men change? Yes, they change, however, they understand the severity of the loss at the last moment, we recommend punishing him (see How to punish a husband for treason?). In the end, you can try to avoid trips or try to protect your family from an unsuccessful outcome with the dissolution of the marriage, everything is in your hands.
Can a man love and change? The story of “Ludus”.
The first time I asked myself was “Do loving men change?” When I kicked out my first civil husband, who betrayed me and swore sacredly: “I love, I can’t live!” I believed it aha! A few days later I saw him with a mop on the street in an embrace. I thought he would somehow begin to return me, to give attention, but to him simply by ***! So I was left alone for a long time.
Married, and here the same thing. How could I stumble again on the same rake? She tortured herself, did not know what to do, but the second time she did not want to stay for a long time, talked to him without nerves. He refuses, does not want to listen to me, as if he purposely plays on feelings, pretends that everything is as it should be.
I thought about something like that when I tried to hear words of love from him, but until I say, he does not say in reply or says “I, too,” I want to ask you: Does a husband change his wife?? If so, why go for a walk? If not, why stay? Thank you in advance!
We sympathize with the fact that in both cases you have fallen into a man who has a kind of love for you, “Ludus”, unfortunately, it is unlikely that you can fix it, because both spouses are not morally ethically educated, the problem is in their parents. This relationship will also disappear in any case, so urgently “burn all the bridges” in order not to torture yourself. Further, what we can advise - look for potential husbands not at idle parties, clubs ..., but in more decent places. Leap: too frivolous style of communication will remind you of former traitors, so reject such people immediately.
Can one kind of love be transferred to another?
Whether loving men change, we figured out, stories with living examples were also provided, the last question remains: “Is it possible to change one’s love or husband’s love, or rather type?”, In fact, nothing is impossible. Let's go in order:
- Mania - it will not be difficult to translate into Pragma at the expense of psychological techniques. It is necessary to create the effect of the undead without a person, that is, complete or partial dependence, it will be necessary to put pressure on the strongest component - welfare,
- Ludus - it is almost impossible to do something with this type, a good psychotherapist should intervene here, he will play a good role in implanting such concepts as value, family, marriage, love, etc. into the husband’s brain.
- Eros - more meetings, preferably, without continuing the bed scenes, will gradually get used to the partner and fall in love, if he at least looks a bit like the ideological preferences of the second. Mania can flare up, so you need to act carefully so as not to strengthen his pride.
Warn! All people with these types of love are greedy for their appearance, so you should not reincarnate much, because you can not bring to a paradoxical change.