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Why men are afraid of relationships

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Moreover, all men always sincerely assert that they dream of a quiet family hearth, children and a tender affectionate wife, but not now, but in the future.

Let's see why men are afraid of a serious relationship? A common reason is the reluctance to “bind” himself because of unfortunate romances in the past and, as a rule, the more a man was disappointed in love relationships, the more his fear grows once again to fail, respectively, they do not seek to associate themselves with stable long-term relationships opposite sex. Men who observe divorces and the sharing of property of relatives and friends, subconsciously seek to “postpone” fateful events, because, in fact, divorce is a kind of defeat for the stronger sex, so men try not to meet defeats in their life path. Some men are constantly in search of the perfect woman, because she is the most beautiful, the most understanding and affectionate, always understand and warm. Finding some flaws in other applicants for a serious relationship, the man "rejects" the candidate because of the inconsistency with his ideal. Other men, even those already in love with their other half, try to avoid talking about living together, simply believing that it is still too early to think about any prospects at the moment. Although most men postpone marriage, in the end, they tie themselves to the knot. But there are those types of men who are not capable of stable and long-term relationships at all. Some men with a serious relationship try not to rush. Having matured quite late, these representatives of the stronger sex have not yet walk up and are afraid to bring the everydayness of family relationships into their lives. Another type of men, the so-called "hardcore bachelors." As a rule, they are already 35-40 years old, these are men who are used to living alone, relying solely on themselves for everything and they absolutely do not want to change anything in their lives. Feeling an attachment to a woman, realizing that she begins to occupy an important role in his life, such a man consciously begins to move away - cancels his meeting, calls less often, refers to permanent urgent matters. Hardened bachelors reluctantly invite a woman to their home, not to mention deciding to live under one roof. It is better to avoid such men, unless, of course, you are attracted to the role of being an eternal friend.

What do we, the fair sex, so willing to live with their beloved man a long and happy life? The only way to turn a relationship with a man into a long and stable life is to accept his point of view. Constantly tormenting a man with questions about the prospect of a joint future, a woman begins to put ultimatums “So you don’t love me! "," I have not important for you! " etc. , starts crying and sad. Such methods will almost always give the inevitable crack in the relationship and lead to the opposite result. The man, seeing the suffering and torment of his partner, decides to just leave, so as not to feel the feelings of guilt that prevail over all other emotions.

But there are also such signs by which one can easily understand that a serious relationship in the life of a man is a priority and he treats his partner responsibly and seriously. The first sign can be determined if the pronoun “we” appears more and more often in the conversation of a man with his chosen one or with friends. Male psychology asserts that if a man begins to identify himself with another person, he has long since parted with his loner status and is building his future with his partner. If you spend a lot of time together, this is also a sign of a serious relationship. A man who is not interested in spending time together with a woman (unless of course this is not love entertainment) spends his free time on sports, hobbies, or having fun in a cheerful company of friends. Evidence of trust and special disposition is the fact when a man is able to entrust “favorite toys” - a computer, a car and other things dear to him to his woman. Another sign of a serious relationship is quarrels. Only a man in love, who values ​​his woman, will waste time and nerves on a quarrel with his half. Naturally, the intention of a serious relationship of a man is a quarrel with a good outcome. An important sign of a serious relationship - meeting with parents and friends. Friends are a man's society in which he can be himself and relax, therefore, introducing his darling to his parents or friends, a man seeks approval and opinion from important people. Well, the most frank and clear sign of the seriousness of the relationship is the construction of plans and prospects for a joint future. This means that a man begins to take responsibility not only for himself, but also for his beloved woman. And if a man decides to live with his beloved together, even with conversations that this is a start, in order to better look at a friend, this is undoubtedly a big step in the right direction.

What women love and prefer men with far-reaching plans for a serious relationship? Women who give him the opportunity to feel like a man, not imposing what to eat for breakfast and strictly controlling meetings with friends, understanding and accepting the interests of men. Smart companion with whom you can talk on any topic. Respecting a man who listens to his opinion, even if she does not agree with him, diplomatic and tactful in difficult situations. Whatever woman a man chooses for himself, it is important to remain the best and most attractive for him! Do not forget that strong feelings are not alien to men, and the main reason leading a man to the world of family life is always love!

If your man is afraid of love relationships ...

Attention: This article is logically related to the articles “How, when and why male sexual phobias are born and how to overcome them” and “Why men are not in a hurry to have an intimate relationship at the beginning of a love relationship”, “Why a man may fear the development of love relationships” also laid out on my site zberovski.ru. I also advise you to read them.

A very common cause of male erotic passivity at the beginning of love relationships is such male sexual phobias as:

- fear of a man to become a pawn in a female love game,

- fear of losing their own initiative in the development of relations,

- the fear to be simply financially used, to become a victim of extortionists or to fall under the criminal prosecution.

Nowadays, respected girls and women, as a rule, are already well aware that many modern men are terribly afraid to marry! Men take the initiative in dating, eagerly create love relationships (and even several at once), enjoy sex, invite their girlfriends to move in with them, or move to them themselves, but they stubbornly refuse to marry! So: within the framework of this article we will not analyze the social and psychological features of this masculine behavior (they are already well understood: incomplete families where men are brought up, strong modern girls, the lack of high salaries of men so that they can feel owners in their relationships, family recognition as a factor hampering career development, etc.), but only try to understand:

- how men themselves think about their phobias,

- how exactly should be those ladies who would like to still cure their friend from a chronic male disease, fear of marrying.

However, first things first. So, what to do if your man is afraid of love relationships?

Spending frank conversations with those men who, while being friends with their girlfriends, for many months did not seek to establish intimate relationships, and verbally explained this to their friends by their unwillingness to change the status of just a friend to the status of a potential fiancé, I often found out: in fact, there are such male psychological fears and phobias of being punished for some sex not approved by society, which arose as a result of, for example, the following:

- due to the fact that the man has such a negative experience of past harassment, which was associated with statements to the police about rape or even just half laughable threats to do it (some men are literally shaking for many more years ...),

- due to the fact that the man has already passed the courts to determine the paternity of the child, decided on the issue of child support (or, again, was very close to this),

- because of a very unpleasant encounter with the parents of his former girlfriend, who almost forced the man to force him to take a step towards his destiny and still married their daughter,

- because of the stress that has arisen in a man after his last girlfriend suggested that her delays in critical days are due to her unplanned pregnancy,

- because of that (and I pay special ladyly attention to it.) That some of the list we just mentioned took place in the biography of someone from your friend's relatives, friends or acquaintances (.).

Now, after you either laugh at these modern, soft-bodied and very impressionable men, or maliciously scold them (based on your own negative experiences with such men and your own sexual phobias!), We will continue. And in order for the question of male love psychological phobias to make you absolutely all clear, now I will consistently present to you the ten most basic causes of male phobias, fears of becoming a pawn in someone else's love game, about which the men I interviewed (including perhaps, personally, your men!) I confessed to me at the consultations most often.

Ten main reasons for fear of menbecome a pawn in a female love game

Reason number 1. The man himself is very cautious, trying to hedge himself in everything and always know exactly who wants what from him (from communication with him).

Accordingly, having started a love relationship with you, such a man literally from the first minutes of your communication begins to suffer the question: “I wonder what goals she sets for herself:

- just relax for two or three days off,

- get new sexual sensations,

- to get a friend to socialize and spend time together for six months or a year, until someone else is better and richer,

- use me to solve your financial problems (or employment),

- create a serious love relationship with the prospect of creating a family in two or three years,

- to marry at an accelerated pace under the slogan: “You give a wedding within a year!”

And until he decides that he understood what is on your mind, such a man will not make a single such step that he may consider rash.

Reason number 2. A man by his nature is a clear leader and therefore he may not like very much that it was you who showed the initiative in your love acquaintance.

Reason number 3. A man categorically does not like what you always dictate to him, where and how you will spend your general evenings.

In this case, a man may begin to assume that you are trying to "drive him under your heel," in the future you want to completely subjugate him and "build", you dream of becoming the head of the future family. If a man grew up in a complete family, where the man was still a man, most likely, he will immediately decide that such life prospects are not for him, cool to you and gradually disappear behind a screen of excuses that he is very busy.

Reason number 4. The man feels a little ill at ease due to the fact that your acquaintance took place according to the “couple for a couple” scheme: he and his friend met you and your girlfriend immediately. He sees that the relationship in the pair “his friend is your girlfriend” is not very sticky, he admits that they can be interrupted at any moment and then he will have to choose: either to maintain a strong male friendship, or a relationship with you. However, he still does not know what you want from him.

Reason number 5. The man met you, yielding to your beauty, values ​​you very much, but at the same time he knows for sure that he does not intend to start a family for at least another three to five years. As a result, he painfully thinks: will you withstand this entire period of indefinite waiting or not?

His doubts lead him to the idea that it’s better to quietly roll up the relationship before sex, rather than create sex, fall in love with you even more, then lose you and suffer a great deal later because of it ...

Reason number 6. Your boyfriend knows that he will have to serve in the army or a very long business trip (many years of study in another city). Again, he does not believe that the girl will be so faithful that he will be able to avoid all the temptations of life and wait for his return. So he thinks: “And should I then think, be jealous and suffer everything: where is she, what does she do and, most importantly, with whom does she do all this ?!”

Reason number 7. A man is sure that the development of love relationships in this period of his life will bring him too many obligations and prevent you from making a successful career.

(As a rule, this is observed at the age of 18-30. However, it happens at any other age, but much less often.)

Reason number 8. The man admits that the accelerated manifestation of your sympathies (you smacked him on the cheek already at the end of the first date) is primarily due to your desire to use him as a sponsor.

(As a rule, if a man (or his parents) is wealthy, and you are much poorer.)

Reason number 9. The man is afraid that if you suddenly have sex between you, then your mom will come to him and find out what time to order the wedding.

(It’s common if a girl is between 16 and 20 years old and she had the stupidity of telling her friend that she has a very strict mother who allows her absolutely nothing. The threats of the police or the court are especially unpleasant for him ...)

Reason number 10. If your friend once had an unsuccessful experience with a mentally unbalanced girl (there are plenty of such people around) who, after the termination of love relationships, took him literally for years, or he became a victim of intimate blackmail (give money for an abortion (often made-up), otherwise I will file a complaint with the police.) - These episodes in his personal biography can not only cause a certain sexual intimidation, but even lead a man to impotence.

As already mentioned, this list of reasons is not at all complete and exhaustive. However, it is already quite enough for dear readers not to make one of the most painful female mistakes.

One of the most serious and common female errors

is the simplification of male love and sexual behavior.

And therefore, it is you who, having set yourself the task of creating love or intimate relationships with a man over twenty-five years old and having a higher education, in no case do not make such a mistake!

The easiest way to prevent female error

simplifying male love and sexual behavior is

giving your friend at least the most general information about

Here we will talk about this now in practical recommendations.

The first. Answer male leading questions.

Those men who think approximately the way it was just shown above, when starting their new love or intimate relationships, are very fond of asking their friends so-called leading questions, such as:

- But what would you like to achieve in life?

- What is more important for you - career, money or children and home comfort?

- What are your ideas about a successful life: on the help of parents, a successful marriage or your own career?

- How many years would you like to get married?

- Who, in your opinion, should be the initiator in creating a family: a man or a woman?

- Would you agree to get married if such an offer were received right now?

- For what man and with what traits of character and level of material well-being would you dream of getting married?

- Do you think a man should support his girlfriend financially?

- Do you think equal relations between men and women are possible?

- What do you think, who should be the leader in the family and in the relationship: male or female?

- What do you think: is it possible to live a lifetime, having sex with only one person (and not changing him)?

- After what time, in your opinion, can partners start an intimate relationship?

- How long can you live without sexual relations?

- whose duty is to protect in sexual relationships: men, women or both partners?

- Who is responsible if partners flew: man, woman or both partners?

- Do parents have the right to interfere in the love-intimate relationships of their children?

- Do you complain to your parents about the behavior of your partners?

And so on and so forth.

Как вы понимаете, все эти вопросы вовсе не такие уж и безобидные, как это может кому-то показаться на первый взгляд… Нередко именно из ваших ответов на них зависит то, каким образом другой человек составит о вас свое мнение, захочет ли он строить с вами любовные или семейные отношения. И именно поэтому все ваши попытки каким-то образом уйти от обсуждения таких вот (и подобных) вопросов будут автоматически зачисляться вам в минус (Она точно что-то там крутит!), а полученные от вас ответы станут предметом очень и очень серьезного анализа.

So, based on the reality and significance of your answers (or refusals to respond) for the fate of your relationship, as an author and psychologist, I strongly advise you to ANSWER them! However, I do not urge you to answer honestly. I do not call for one simple reason:

The objectives of love and intimate relationships in the process of implementing themselves

these relationships may undergo very significant changes.

For example, planning at first not a very long love affair with a pronounced emphasis on intimate relationships and, accordingly, answering the question of a friend: “What do you think: can you live your whole life having sex with only one person?” With the phrase: “I I think that this is impossible! ”, later you can regret about it very much ... What if you fall in love with this man and begin to dream of marrying him? But he will remember that just one sexual partner for the rest of his life is absolutely impossible for you, and therefore everything to think and doubt ...

Tell me and yourself: can it happen in life ?! Yes, not just happens, but pretty often!

Based on all this, I strongly advise you:

First of all, always answer your friend’s leading questions,

Secondly, do it in a more or less comprehensible way, give your friend that comprehensive information that he so needs for his love and sexual liberation,

third, answer as you consider it most profitable for yourself.

At the same time allow the probability of a change in your position in the process of communication. (For example, almost all the girls first tell their partners that they are not at all jealous, but then they understand with horror that they are not just jealous, but very jealous!)

The second. Be ahead of male leading questions with your own.

Knowing that at the beginning of love relationships, men almost always try to find out from their girlfriends the basics of their views on life, sex and family, you can easily break your dependence on specifically masculine formulations (after all, you are an adult, modern and strong lady! ) and start asking such questions yourself. If at the same time you do not forget to say that the answers of the man for you are extremely necessary in order to regulate your behavior just for him (such the best, most intelligent, most courageous and sexiest), the man will not just give you his answers , but also imbued with the proud realization that the undisputed leader in this relationship and the helmsman of your future together is definitely he! And all this will pour water on your personal happiness mill.

Third. Talk to your friend about common topics often.

My long-term professional observations show:

One of the very serious problems of love couples is

that people can be months and years together and at the same time completely

do not know about each other's life and love purposes.

For example, a girl of 20 years old began to be friends with a boy of 23 years. Are friends for three years. She finishes university and quite reasonably wonders whether her friend is planning to start a family. He replies that he plans, but only about five years later. The girl is faced with a difficult choice: to wait for these years and all the time to fear that her partner will find someone fresher for herself, or to stop hopeless relationships and look for some other option.

Or something else. She met him when she was 25, and he was 30 years old. He recently divorced and began to be friends with fervor with a new lady. After two years of relationships, having already moved to live with him and even planning to give birth to a joint child, she suddenly finds out that he didn’t like the past family experiment so much that he no longer intends to record his status in the registry office and intends to live solely as part of a civil marriage.

The question is, who is to blame in these cases? Both sides of the love process are to blame, both men and women. And all their fault and misfortune consists only in the fact that once, when starting their love relationships, both partners:

- or were ashamed to ask each other about life and love plans,

- either naively invested their own ideas about the joint future into the head of the partner, did, as computer scientists say, by default.

And the output in this case is more than simple:

The best way to avoid omissions and misunderstanding of life

and love goals of a partner in a relationship - communication on common topics.

It is this completely natural communication that allows you to:

- learn about the various features of your partner's approaches to love and family relationships without much embarrassment. (You can talk like in the third person.)

- give information about your own views on life and relationships to your partner and thus help him to show his true attitude to you and your relationships,

- saving you from all sorts of love mistakes and trips "not on that life train, which one would like," and significantly saves your personal time.

Agree, all this is more than essential!

In conclusion, I want to tell you one more thing. No need to think that a clear statement of a man of his life, love and sexual principles and approaches is necessary only to overcome all sorts of male phobias! No need to think that all this, taken together, will help only your male partner to finally feel like a leader in a relationship, psychologically relax and no longer be afraid that he will pay for his male attention to the manifestation of his male attention later is at his door! No need to think so simply because:

Getting the lady of a particular male reaction to their responses

(on his "leading questions) first of all it is beneficial for her!

Beneficial because, with the reaction of his friend, the lady:

- gets a more or less clear idea of ​​what kind of person he is,

- correlates his ideas about life, love, sex and family with his own, determines the degree of conflict or the comfort of their future collaboration,

- begins to better understand what awaits her next to this man

- overcomes those or other OWN female phobias.

So, based on this, we can definitely say the following:

While the girl or woman tells her

friend information about himself and thus helps him

overcome his male love-sexual phobias,

at the same time she conquers her own!

Isn't it great ?! Of course, great!

That ended the article "If your man is afraid of love relationships," in which I urge dear readers to play up to those men who are educated and give the impression of those who are used to controlling the situation around themselves and always know where and why they are going. And, speaking of this, I emphasize:

Mutual clarification of their love goals by love partners

relationships can not only reduce the likelihood of empty

waste of life time, but also removes all those possible fears

that prevent men and women to show attention to each other.

In general, by your frankness be able to carefully remove those psychological stops that almost always cause us to fear being misunderstood or misunderstood. Feel free to talk about yourself - speak in the third person. Speak and remember:

Honestly voiced by a woman desire to lean

to a strong male shoulder almost always stimulates

male love and sexual activity.

Well, if such statements make you afraid of a male coward, a weak male, or just such a man whose plans do not yet take care of a woman close to him and such a man would prefer to leave you before even an intimate relationship is established - this is only for your benefit! In the end, it is nothing but saving your spiritual strength and your time.

Sincerely, Your family psychologist, Dr., Prof., Andrei Zberovsky

+7-902-990-5168, +7-913-520 -001, +7-926-633-5200.

Attention: This article was created on the basis of chapters from Andrei Zberovsky’s books “Quarrels on the Way to Sex”, “Quarrels over Sex”, “Men's sexual fears, tricks and tricks”, “Thirteen ways to overcome a crisis of love relationships”, “Acute angles of young families”, “How to assess the strength of your marriage,” “Seven shocks: something that could threaten your marriage.” I recommend that you familiarize yourself with these works in full. This can be useful for you and your family.

© 2017 Zberovsky Andrew - Psychologist Advice - WordPress Templates

If a man is afraid of serious relationship

In principle, the fears of marriage are peculiar to both men and women. But the article will focus on a strong field. What exactly are they so afraid of?

It is very difficult for men to part with their independence. During the period of romantic relationships, they give flowers, sweets and, in general, behave very gently, but when it comes to the wedding, they are ready to do everything to keep their freedom for themselves. Experts say that many men suffer from fear of close relationships. This is not about sex. Such men, even if they are attractive and self-confident, it is difficult to decide on a life together even with the most beloved person. There is a fear of responsibility, family life, domestic problems. This view of marriage is supported by several reasons.

In some cases, making a mistake once, a man begins to doubt everything. For example, perhaps he had to endure a betrayal or an unsuccessful marriage, which, respectively, led to divorce. Here there is a defensive reaction, that is, he is trying by all means to protect himself from new betrayal, pain and everything that can remind him of what happened.

Another reason may be unwillingness to spend money on his wife and children, because these are really big expenses. A man is very sensitive to the fact that he cannot provide for his family, this can significantly lower his self-esteem, hence the desire to first find a permanent job and a stable good income. In the end, he cannot fully trust a woman, as he is convinced that family life is based on money, and every single woman is self-interested.

A bad example of parents significantly alienates a man from family life. Suppose his dad and mom divorced at a time when he could already assess what had happened, and he remembers very well how they quarreled and beat the dishes. The reason could be an example of the family life of friends, along with all their quarrels, the division of property and children. Any person wants to avoid serious painful experiences, and if marriage is presented to him only from the negative side, then he will delay this moment as far as possible.

A man who is accustomed to noisy companies who are not deprived of attention, argues: “There are so many beautiful free women in the world, why do I need this marriage and obligations?”. He prefers to spend one night with a beautiful girl than to build a long-term serious relationship. He doesn’t strain too much, so deep feelings are not for him, he tries to avoid problems. Hence the inability to create a strong marriage.

Avid bachelors are so accustomed to such a life that they do not understand why they even need marriage. They believe that pizza and dumplings are no worse than homemade food, that a cleaner can also remove garbage. From this they get complete freedom and lack of responsibility. True, the main fear is the fear of pressure from outside. Most often, it is experienced by a person who is used to being alone, does not know how to sort things out, lives in his own world, is closed to others.

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A man is afraid of a serious relationship, what to do?

Hello dear readers of the blog Samprosvetb Bulletin!

“A man is afraid of a serious relationship and offered to leave. He came to this conclusion when I began to talk about the future and what he thinks about us. Before that, everything was fine. Now he told me that he could not give me what I want, that he now has difficulties in life and asked me to meet with others, but I want a serious relationship with him! I am shocked, I don’t know what to do, how to convince him that we are a beautiful couple? ” Veronica writes.

“At the moment I have a complicated and confusing situation in my personal life. I met a guy who is currently 26 years old, 1 year and 2 months old. Everything was fine with us, but lately we have often quarreled with him. As a result, we broke up with him, but continue to communicate. I still love him and want to be with him. He wants intimacy from me, but at the same time worries about me, worries, wants to know everything about me, etc. To the question "Is he happy that we broke up?" - he replies that he does not know. And recently, he confessed to me that he is afraid of serious relationships and just runs away from reality. I do not know how to continue to be and what to do, what to do? I love him and want to be with him ", - Dasha writes.

Maybe something like this happened in your life or now you feel the resistance of a man when you are trying to translate your relationship into a serious relationship?

Perhaps you think that something is missing for you to get closer to the man?

You see that he suddenly becomes stubborn, says that he is afraid of relationships or is not ready for them, and you do not know what to do?

Many women in such situations are beginning to look for ways to fix a fearful man, how to convince him. It seems to them that this is the only way out of the situation.

I want to tell you how it can be in practice.

A good, intelligent, thoughtful, loyal, loving, caring, passionate woman who believes in the power of love in a relationship once met a man. She felt a strong connection with him from the very beginning and realized that this is true love. She felt that the man was experiencing the same thing.

But then something happened. Suddenly, in the blink of an eye, the man changed his behavior. And the woman understood that this is the beginning of the end and that she will not receive from the man more than what is between them now. She suddenly realized that she had exhausted herself, trying to make this relationship work, and the man did not seem to be going to do anything in that direction.

And the worst, it became clear to her that the fault of the whole problem of the man himself, who simply negated all her efforts. Moreover, it turned out that he was not aware of his mistakes and problems at all. She tried to support him, invested her soul and hoped that her loving and caring soul would help to overcome everything.

But it did not help. She decided to talk to him about the problems and what she was trying to fix in their relationship. But the conversation failed.

He answered with irritation and went into a dull defense, began to behave as if she were the biggest problem that could hang on him.

The man did not understand at all that we are talking about problems in their relationship, which he himself had created from the very beginning. Having not understood, he began to say that he was in fact not sure whether he was ready for a serious relationship at all, and even afraid of a serious connection. It seemed to the woman that everything turned upside down. The man concluded that it might be better for them to leave.

This is a typical situation that is often encountered in my practical work with the problems of women in relationships.

In this story there is a path to something very important.

  • has nothing to do with making a man change,
  • has nothing to do with his fears, problems,
  • has nothing to do with what he has to do differently and how to convince him of this.

The biggest breakthroughs you will ever have in your life will come to you as completely unexpected, and it would seem an illogical way.

Because The biggest breakthroughs in personal life begin inside us!

And indeed it is.

The most powerful breakthroughs that brought amazing positive changes and growth in the personal life of women came from a better understanding of their psychology and behavior.

In other words, you yourself are the best, greatest coach, teacher and leader you could ever get.

It all starts with thinking.

It is our thinking that helps us become more successful in our personal life, build happy relationships.

Each of us has our own system of beliefs and beliefs that we use to organize our experience and draw conclusions about what is happening around us. Many women have their own set of beliefs and expectations about how their personal life and relationships should look. And here the fun begins.

A mindset is a key that any woman can use to unlock her own potential for a happy relationship.

How to unlock your potential for a happy relationship

In my practical work, I constantly have to deal with the fact that women themselves block their potential for happiness with a man.

Everything we receive from a man in our personal life is, above all, the result of our choice.

  • on men not capable of relationships with anyone
  • to married men
  • men who have completely different views on life and relationships
  • on psychologically immature men,
  • on men with psychological problems and so on.

Women are stuck in hopeless connections under the slogan: "I love him and want to be with him!», тем самым блокируя свои потенциальные возможности быть счастливой в отношениях с подходящим мужчиной. Они тратят свою любовь и душевные силы попусту, доводя себя до эмоционального истощения и, чувствуя опустошенность, страдают.

Часто, когда мы одиноки, мы хотим как можно быстрее удовлетворить свои потребности в любви и близком человеке, и в выборе больше ориентируемся на свои чувства к мужчине, не разбирая детально, что он за человек и подходит ли на роль надежного спутника жизни.

There is nothing worse for women ready for a relationship, how to be in connection with a man who seems to say that he loves, but he has not yet decided what he wants in life and is not ready to change anything in her.

Do not try to change a man, convince him not to be afraid of a serious relationship with you, but change your way of thinking, your approach to the choice of a man as soon as possible.

And I will be happy to help you with this!

Especially for women who are often stuck in hopeless connections, I prepared an online training: "What a man needs so that he wants to marry you".

Do you know that at the very beginning of your acquaintance, you can identify men who are not really ready for a serious relationship and marriage?

Even before entering into a close relationship, you can determine whether a man has the potential to become just for you a suitable partner in life, able to make you happy.

In the classroom, we deal with the situation of women with their unprepared for a serious relationship and afraid of men.

The presentation of the training see> here.

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Would you like to look into a man's head and find out what he thinks about?

Would you like to know how to build relationships, how to behave with a man in order to get the desired result?

Komarova Svetlana Evgenievna

Psychologist. Specialist from the website b17.ru

You need to read more books. Then they would not ask funny questions here.

For example, "Ordinary Story" read :)

he has not so much wounds as cockroaches, this is from your description. but in general .. he is a healthy man .. And for all this period he probably had a close relationship with someone .. Do you know what is happening in his personal life?

"Tell me, can love heal his wounds?"
Another healer. Read also the next branch "went to another after 3 years of relationship."

Not sure about you, not ready for a relationship, there are other relationships / obligations, etc.
But not what you described.
Do not engage in self-suggestion and do not take seriously the typical male excuses.

Yes, men are not afraid of relationships, they are afraid to start romance with not quite suitable woman. The author, and you have a native Russian language?

Related topics

Funny you are the author. He is afraid that he will make the wrong choice, for such men it is peculiar, they are well aware of their value, and they want a relationship not for empty waste, but something serious, in short, a member of it pulls you, but the brain realizes reality and pushes it away.

Yes, men are not afraid of relationships, they are afraid to start romance with not quite suitable woman.

If a man loves, then he will do everything right, so do not worry in vain the author.

Still not to be afraid. Relationships are such an incomprehensible thing, no one has yet deciphered what it is. And uncertainty always scares :-)

and he is married, your man? Have you got a children?

IMHO, he just does not want to marry. Does he invest in you financially? If you invest, then you do not need to change anything, enjoy the moment, be his friend, unless, of course, the stamp for you is above all,). And if it does not invest, then think for yourself whether you need it or not. If you don’t invest, and you don’t like it, then talk to him, if you don’t make concessions, then leave. IMHO.

In general, if he is afraid that you will leave him in the future, maybe he did not just come up with it, after all, the person you are older and more experienced, listen to what he says. In short, you cannot prove anything to him with love, so if this love / friendship with you has been with him for 5 years at least, then maybe.

As always, “he loves me, I know that for sure,” but he doesn't want a relationship. where did you get that you love in this case? !

herself in a similar situation. in my opinion, the phrase "a man is afraid of relationships" sounds ridiculous, no matter how sad it is

after I was thrown 2 times after "I will love you forever," I am also afraid of relationships, people, and I want to leave in the forest

Yes, men are not afraid of relationships, they are afraid to start romance with not quite suitable woman.

breaks like a penny cake. ah, go away, do not come near me! )
I want to, but I can’t even do my career))
the author, because he sent you in a mild form, and you're all about the healing of his "wounds" you dream)

Good evening, dear! I hope to hear from you advice. Familiar with a man for more than two years. From our first acquaintance, he paid me attention. At first we were just friends. Already half a year we have an incomprehensible relationship. He is afraid to let me to him. I know that he loves. He is 36, I'm 23. Afraid that in time I will lose interest in him. (due to age difference). And no one but me is interested. He is wealthy. with business. I am beautiful, tall. Recently, I was blown away, and I came to talk to him. He said that he wanted to be with me, but now he is busy with his career. He has frustration in women. Tell me, can love heal his wounds?

In general, if he is afraid that you will leave him in the future, maybe he did not just come up with it, after all, the person you are older and more experienced, listen to what he says. In short, you cannot prove anything to him with love, so if this love / friendship with you has been with him for 5 years at least, then maybe.

good topic. puts brains in place

girl don't you know that the fashion on high has almost gone

Maybe he intimophobe? Read at this type in the Internet. Is he not stingy by the hour?

Yes, he is not afraid of anything. Doesn't want to just. With you or in general. Most likely with you. This is not you bad, just do not agree. This happens sometimes.

Look for yourself as beautiful as you are! Everything is very simple or evaporate from here somewhere in the ass!

Hm some kind of deja vu. his, by chance, not Yuri name?

He just does not want a relationship with you.
But for the alternate aerodrome will fit - and therefore does not send in plain text.

This is all their excuses. he is not afraid .. but does not want. he does not need it. he is so comfortable .. and not love on his part is because he knows that such relations hurt you .. there is no selfishness in love .. he is so good .. why change if for him this is the best option .. he is not sure in you, in his feelings ... and in what he can find better. and maybe he will not find .. he is waiting ..
I just have a similar situation .. and I understand all this .. and decided to accept it as it is .. but I am not going to heal anyone .. I try to get maximum pleasure from such a relationship until I find something more appropriate .. he has the right to doubt .. well, I also .. why try to persuade him .. you better clearly set yourself a situation and do not fantasize .. go with the flow .. like him)


Good evening, dear! I hope to hear from you advice. Familiar with a man for more than two years. From our first acquaintance, he paid me attention. At first we were just friends. Already half a year we have an incomprehensible relationship. He is afraid to let me to him. I know that he loves. He is 36, I'm 23. Afraid that in time I will lose interest in him. (due to age difference). And no one but me is interested. He is wealthy. with business. I am beautiful, tall. Recently, I was blown away, and I came to talk to him. He said that he wanted to be with me, but now he is busy with his career. He has frustration in women. Tell me, can love heal his wounds?


"Tell me, can love heal his wounds?"
Another healer. Read also the next branch "went to another after 3 years of relationship."


Hm some kind of deja vu. his, by chance, not Yuri name?

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Who does not dare to a serious relationship

There are types of men who in almost all cases will not be able to make a serious step.

  1. A married guy who does not think about creating a serious relationship with his chosen one, his wife is quite happy with him.
  2. Too young young people do not look at life with all seriousness, they still have wind in their heads.
  3. Womanizer. For him, relationships are just a game from which he derives pleasure.
  4. Young people who, in principle, oppose the creation of marriage.
  5. Men with high self-esteem who are not willing to bear responsibility for someone.
  6. Unbalanced young people.

If your partner falls into one of the above categories, then you need to realize that creating a family with him is almost impossible, at least at the moment. Of course, the girl can wait until the situation changes. However, she must understand that she will simply lose years, her youth. It is possible that in the process of waiting a young man may decide to leave, and she will remain at the broken trough. If you love your partner very much, and you understand that he really has phobias before serious relationships, which manifest themselves on an instinctive or subconscious level, then you can give him a chance, help him overcome his fears, if not, go to a psychologist.

Why fear

  1. A guy who is not sure about his libido can be very worried about this. That is what will scare when a girl has a desire to live together.
  2. A young man who is absolutely not experiencing his father's instinct may be afraid of a serious relationship for precisely this reason.
  3. A guy who knows that his darling earns much more money will be afraid that when living together he will hear reproaches in his side, ridicule of neighbors. Glad to agree on such a relationship Alfonso.
  4. Uncertainty in their abilities may prevent the desire to start a family.
  5. The guy may be afraid that with the transition to a more serious level of relationship, you will have to acquaint your darling with parents who may underestimate her, want to separate their union.
  6. If the guy loves, but is afraid of relationships, perhaps he is worried about losing his independence, he is afraid that he will be unable to do everything that he now enjoys.
  7. A man who devotes his whole life to work, perhaps he is a workaholic, worried that relationships will affect his career.
  8. Polygamous guy is not inclined to serious relations, because he believes that he has not walked up yet. A typical womanizer.
  9. A young man may not really be ready to take responsibility for a girl to the best of his age.
  10. The former is afraid of relationships, if the gap was your initiative, which deeply hurt the guy's heart. Naturally, he is afraid that you will repeat your deed again. Moreover, the guy most likely does not create a new relationship with anyone for the same reason.
  11. A man who has recently divorced is not ready to immediately start a relationship, especially if he still has not let go of the former from his heart.
  12. The guy who lives with his mother is definitely afraid to be left without her. Mamma's son to decide on a serious relationship only with a woman who will take care of him, remind him of his mother.
  13. Fear can be based on the conviction of a man that all women want to use his wallet and leave. A guy may be scared of fear of being used.

Tips for girls

  1. A young lady can hint at her desire. She can say that she finally met a guy with whom she would like to live together for many years. Then you need to ask the young man what he thinks about this.
  2. A girl can directly declare her desire to move to the level of a serious relationship. In a relaxed atmosphere, she should talk about her feelings and desires.
  3. Some young ladies decide on a cardinal step, and raise the question with an edge, forcing the guy to quickly make a decision or leave. In fact, this behavior can only annoy a young man.
  4. A girl should understand that a man will never want to connect her life with a partner if she constantly reproaches him, deprives the joys of life. Therefore, it is important to behave correctly, to show the young man that in going over to serious relationships in his life nothing will change, will not worsen.
  5. A girl should not show her weakness, show discontent with the partner’s indecision. You should not make tantrums and scandals, and demand from the young man the transition to a new level of relationships.
  6. A young lady should not get hung up on wanting to have a family, it will be better if she continues to engage in self-development, finds some hobby or hobby for herself.

Now you know why a man is afraid of relationships. As you can see, the reasons that affect this are many. Therefore, it is important to have a better look at your partner and try to recognize what is worrying him. Based on the cause of fear, begin your actions. Remember that every young man deserves to be happy, linking his life with the second half.

Why men do not seek marriage

The long struggle of women for equality has borne fruit. Today there are more and more women among businessmen, military and political figures. And men can only accept this. As well as the fact that the lady herself chooses with whom she start a relationship and start a family. It has long been no longer just not shameful, but even fashionable to get a divorce and have children out of wedlock. And in order to survive in this world alone or with children, but without male support, one must be strong, resolute, strong-willed and purposeful.

And children grow up with such powerful, self-sufficient, “self-made” mothers, in all obeying them, and at the same time assimilating such a model of behavior in which a woman plays the first violin in life, decides everything, drags everything and is responsible for everything. Girls grow up with the conviction that a woman should behave just like that. And boys, having become adults and faced with several strong women, gain confidence that others do not exist. And the fear of strong women gradually passes on to all the fair sex. Unfortunately, there are more and more male sex workers every year.

Portrait of ginophobe

The combined portrait of a ginofoba shows that most often men are calm, intelligent, well-read, perfectionists by nature. They usually have a high level of intelligence and a good education. More often homebodies, they prefer the society of books and computers to the society of friends and quite sincerely consider themselves uninteresting for women and unworthy of their attention, which reflects their low self-esteem.

The paradox is that the more developed a society is, the more educated its members are and the higher their standard of living is, the greater is the number of ginofobi men.

Now you can draw conclusions

Yes, women tried to become equal with men, and so tried that the psychological features of the sexes were mixed. Modern psychologists believe that the war of the sexes has already reached such a scale that the world can become not only homosexual, but also fruitless. And then our civilization will end. What are the fabrications on why men are afraid of relationships?

He is not ready for any relationship.

Do not look for a problem. For a guy, all relations with girls in the background. It is possible that he likes you, but perhaps no more than other pretty girls. Surely you thought of yourself that you could start a novel, just signs of his relationship to you say this:

He rejoices when meeting you, smiles cheerfully and gives you a compliment.

He willingly communicates with you both by phone and in social networks.

He is ready to help you if it is in his power when you have a problem.

So what? Perhaps it’s just in his character to be a responsive and positive guy. Pay attention: maybe it applies to all girls. Yes, the easiest way to fall in love with these guys is that there is no price for them. But he himself is not considering anyone as his lover.

Most often, these men are planning something big in their lives: moving, studying or working in another city. Or perhaps his heart is occupied by some other lady: distant and unknown. He just doesn't tell anyone about it.

If it turns out that everything is so, then do not worry much - why should you regret what did not happen? Лучше почитай, как перестать думать о человеке, и наверняка у тебя получится выйти из этой ситуации безболезненно.

Он несерьезный парень

Он боится привязанности, как огня. Скромным его назвать сложно — он девушек как семечки щелкает, всегда окружен вниманием слабого пола, заводит короткие романы до разумного предела. Стоит только женщине перейти границу его личного пространства и покуситься на его свободу, он тут же меняет тактику:

Trying to lose sight of her: hiding, not responding to messages and calls, refuses to meet.

A wedge drives a wedge: gets a new girlfriend who is in awe of him and is afraid to scare him away.

If you can not get rid of the old love, just send it specifically to the "well-known address."

Well, here he is - a womanizer and a lovelace. He used to live alone, and his lifestyle - as in the article about free relations. By the way, it describes how to behave with such a man. He is not as impenetrable as he tries to appear.

Another useful article: About marriage "on aerial"

He is not sure about her

The article Why men are afraid of beautiful women describes the fears of many men about beauties. Not only is it scary to approach such because of its arrogant nature, there is also no confidence in my abilities: will I pull like that?

Suppose a man really has the money for a bundle, and in terms of finances he can pamper such a swell. But if you start a novel with such, and then plan your future life, then there are even more doubts:

And what will happen if all the money goes to her whims, and I, in her opinion, will be untenable? She is likely to meet with me just because of the money.

Such a beauty, no man will not pass. How can I cope with my jealousy, if you can’t drive away your boyfriend, like dogs, with a stick?

I can not cope with her whims and requirements. Meaning to spend your nerves on selfishness, if there are many good, albeit rustic girls.

Therefore, he does not even think about romance with her. He doesn’t need passions according to Ostrovsky as in “No Bride”: “So don't you get to anyone!”. Why create yourself a situation in life, because of which you have to suffer? Even if he is secretly in love, but he is afraid even to admit this to himself, simply because he does not complicate his life.

He is not sure of himself

This is the misfortune of modest and insecure men who are afraid to take responsibility in everything. And it does not matter whether the beauty is his secret sweetheart or a little gray shy like himself, but for him the taboo is to be arrogant. In his heart, he waits for some decisive steps from his beloved, and if this happens, then he may have an unpredictable reaction:

Instead of responding feelings, he can turn into an unsociable monster: all frowns, frowns, and even gives a rebuff (a kind of protection from a modest from the outside world).

Burning with shame for his behavior, he can take off running. Or vice versa: it will harden in a stone posture, not knowing where to put hands and what expression to give to a person at the solemn moment of confessions.

He will not believe in the sincerity of her words. He knows the price for himself, so he understands: how could such a pallet as someone could have liked it at all? He will get worse because he realized that they laughed at him.

You need to be really careful with a modest person - this is well described in the article How to please a shy guy. It's not easy to get through to him, but for a start you can at least make friends with him. And then slowly raskomplektovyvat it for a serious relationship.

Start with tactile contact

Tenderness and affection - this is a formidable weapon for women. Their manifestation may be at the very beginning of the relationship. You neatly straightened the shirt collar of a man, touched a random touch of his hand in conversation - didn’t anything terrible happen?

This contact is as pleasant as in childhood, when mom pats the baby on the head. A modest man can intuitively withdraw his hand, but you yourself pretend that you did not notice. It's just that he has such an unsure reflex. A little later, the reflex will disappear.

Sum up all the love talk

No, as long as it is not about your relationship. Just in communication, be interested in how his life on this front evolved:

Were there girls in his life, and what was their relationship with them.

What he likes in girls, and that he categorically does not accept them.

Was there unhappy or unrequited love in his life?

In any case, whatever he says, take his side. Throw out of the head of women's solidarity, you do not need now to be a psychologist to analyze someone else's actions. Better listen to all his confessions carefully and insert your five kopecks: “But I would never do that to you.”

Be mutually polite

Most often, a man is afraid of falling in love, because he does not know what degree of responsibility will be imposed on him. But in this case it is necessary to divide this responsibility with one’s own actions, that is, answer good with his good:

  • in any signs of attention,
  • in gifts and surprises
  • in compliments and moral support.

Do not be brazen! Any manifestation of your shameless greed, even among the most generous men will cause a backlash. After all, an insecure man thinks that women need only money from him, and not himself.

Hurry up events if they dragged on.

Yes, friendships are good, but they will not be full for a long time if the craving for a person is great. Well, why not go all-in and not confess your feelings? Are you afraid of yourself? But read, how to confess to a guy in love - maybe the article will give you courage?

Even if there is a bummer, do not be sad. In any case, the guy will know who is not indifferent to him, and his attitude towards you will change. And, of course, only for the better. How can you think badly of that person who is in love with you, despite all your sins and shortcomings?

Sex after a quarrel: advantages and disadvantages

Is such a habit harmful - to get a bright orgasm after a stormy scandal with a lover?

What if the guy is poor

If a guy has healthy ambitions, abilities, and goals in life, then he will succeed. Beware of loafers and gigolos.

Why men are jealous and how it manifests itself

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