Obscene, indecent, dirty, nasty — what definitions were not invented for the words, which far from everyone will decide in society, but alas! - only not your child. Shock, horror, shock - it is quite difficult to describe the feelings that you experienced when you learned that he, so small, so good and wonderful, swears. And now you are only tormented by two questions: who is to blame for this and what can now be done to remedy the situation? Let's figure it out.
Why children swear
Obscene language is somehow present in the life of every person, even against his will: he may not use swear words in communication, but he is unable to protect his ears from them. This vulnerability to the external verbal environment applies to both children and adults. So no need to rely on the fact that the problem of using obscene expressions of your home child will never affect just because you protect it from them in every possible way. Do not be fooled: touches, and how. But do not be discouraged: if you catch the moment when a child becomes familiar with indecent curses, understand the reason for their presence in children's life and respond adequately to this fact, then it is likely that the problem will be resolved safely. In the meantime, accept the fact that there may be plenty of indirect or direct reasons for pronouncing the forbidden words in a child of a given age:
- If your baby from two to three years, then, most likely, he made friendship with bad words unconsciously. Perhaps he heard them somewhere by chance, he remembered, and now he simply repeats, not understanding their meaning.
- Four and Five Years more insidious: by this age they have already learned to understand what is good and what is bad, so if such children begin to curse, then they do it with intent. As a rule, their goal - to attract the attention of parents. Children quickly learn this technique: if they do not notice you, you need to do something, then you will be in the center of attention, even if it is negative.
- Those to whom from five and more, can swear in protest against what seems to them despotism and the arbitrariness of the older generation. At this age, children seem to themselves are already very adults, they are ready to defend their independence by any means, including through foul language.
- Another goal, using obscene expressions in their speech, pursues teenagers: such words help them assert themselves among their peers, earn credibility and not be the black sheep.
If your child’s vocabulary has changed under the influence of age, then this moment needs to be endured, but not passively, but correctly pointing out to your child the inadmissibility of using bad words in speech. According to experts, the child "outgrows" these periods without any problems. But the fact is that children can swear not only under the influence of age psychology, but also for other reasons:
- The child, in principle, is not taught to express negative emotions. Resentment, anger, frustration, anger - all these feelings require an exit, the easiest way to get a psychological relief through curses.
- Swearing helps timid and shy children to overcome the fear of anything - other people, problems, life changes. Oaths to all self-doubtful people, including small ones, are given the illusion of power.
- The child just repeats what he hears at home. Even if your family claims to be intelligent and respectable, it’s enough just to say a word of abuse in the hearts of a child to be remembered and entered into your vocabulary.
Whatever the reason for the use of obscene expressions by your child, you, as a normal parent, cannot but respond. Another question is that this reaction should be adequate.
The main mistakes of parents whose children swear
Many parents, having discovered qualities unknown to them in their child, are lost. The first reaction - to prohibit the use of the mat - is quite understandable. But often, an adult doesn’t know that an overly harsh and undiplomatic response can play the role of a time bomb. If you do not want to move away from your child, then the following actions must be avoided:
- Punishing the use of the mat physically: beating on the lips or forcing to rinse the mouth with soap. This not only does not correct the situation, but also makes you enemies with the child. Moreover, physical exposure can harm his mental health.
- Categorically prohibit swearing. As a rule, children do not understand what it means "it is impossible, that's all." For them, this is not an argument. They need to explain why it is impossible.
- Letting the child know that his ability to use swear words makes you laugh, and translate similar situations into a joke. A child, seeing that you are having fun with his profanity, is unlikely to deny himself the pleasure of giving you joy again and again.
- Shame the child with strangers. He will only become embittered and shut up, and there will be even more swearing about resentment against you.
- To torture a child for "who taught you this," or "where did you pick up such a nasty thing." The source is likely to remain unknown, but your aggression will ruin the relationship with the child.
- Do not allow educational dissonance: what is not allowed to the child should be prohibited for you too. It is impossible to achieve the correct verbal behavior from people if you yourself are not shy about expressions.
- Try to isolate the child from the outside world. In the context of modern informational openness, this is an absolutely impossible task.
This does not mean that the problem of childish foul language must be removed. For a child, such a step would be a signal that he does not do anything bad, which means that it is possible not only to continue, but also to improve his proficiency in bad language.
How to wean a child to swear
Parents should choose behavioral tactics based on the age of their child. The easiest thing to do with very young foul language. Those who are from two to those are hardly aware of what they are saying. Accidentally repeated for someone indecent word is not a tragedy. And all the more it will not become it, if not to focus on this particular attention. Children's memory is short: what easily came, can just as easily go.
Older children will be more difficult, but you can cope with such newly-born lovers of swear words if you consistently adhere to certain rules:
- Explain to a preschooler child that there are good words, but there are bad words and that the use of the latter in your family is not welcome, because your family lives according to the rules of a beautiful language. An example: swearing is like picking your nose or spitting. Most people hate ugly words, but you, our dear, do not want to offend people and present yourself as an ill-mannered and rude person?
- To form the right self-esteem in a child-schoolboy. He must learn what he means by himself, and not because he knows how to use bad words in his speech. And if he so wants to be different from others, then life can offer a lot of options for personal achievements in various fields: sports, art, study.
- To help the fledgling teenage child, you need to call on the opinions of authoritative persons. Well, if those in his eyes are you, his parents. The fact that people who are valued do not use foul language, but at the same time is respected by others, can make your son think about the appropriateness of using indecent words.
- Do not leave the child alone with life problems. Loneliness - psychological and social - creates fear, and fear is easily overcome through foul language. Stay close, and the child does not have to defend himself from a negative world of negative vocabulary.
- Watch the child's social circle. Isolating him from the big life will not work, but it is quite possible to correct the children's social circle or influence him through kindergarten teachers or school teachers. Help your child be friends - invite his peers to visit, talk to them. Let the children see an example of adequate and interesting communication.
- Teach your child to express emotions in other words - that is, you need to come up with an alternative to battle.
- Letting the child know that swearing does not decorate a person and that others may be ashamed of him. Every time apologize for your child in front of people so that he can hear and understand that you are embarrassed for him. Warn that you love him, but you can hardly take him to a decent place if he does not stop swearing.
- Limit TV viewing and keep track of which sites your child visits on the Internet.
- Watch your own speech. It happens that adults do not even notice how swear words penetrate their conversation, and in the meantime children quietly take an example from them.
Of course, bad habits stick to a person much faster and easier than good ones are formed. Obscene words in this sense are very insidious. Entering our lives imperceptibly, but to get rid of them, as from an annoying neighbor, is very difficult. The main thing is not to make of this tragedy: everything is fixable. In the end, the person forms the environment, and in your power to make it favorable.
Why do kids curse
It is surprisingly simple, but not obvious to moms and dads, that the causes of any pedagogical problems are hidden in the behavior of adults, for example:
- age features are not taken into account,
- inattention of moms and dads to their own speech culture,
- general pedagogical neglect,
- features of the formation of a child's personality.
It is parents who are responsible for the health and education of their children and from early childhood they set patterns of behavior for them.
Is the society guilty? The society dictates the general cultural rules, imposes stereotypes of the current time. But up to 4–5 years, only a family can truly set the framework, the moral bar, ethical standards of communication and an acceptable level of personal culture for small little man.
Overcoming crisis after crisis, children expand not only vocabulary and communication skills, but also learn ways of self-defense. The so-called verbal aggression may come to the fore when other forms of aggressive behavior are forbidden to children: bites, strokes, tweaks, etc. There is a substitution of physical actions on speech. This happens because of an imbalance in age characteristics and educational measures.
Effective strategy. To rebuild the model of education, excluding from it absolute bans. Actively promote the use of alternatives, ignore errors.
In search of the reason why the child swears, parents often lose sight of their own behavior. And after all, it sets the basic pedagogical tone in the family. Where to get a pattern of behavior for a growing person, if mom, dad and older relatives allow themselves to use foul language in the presence of children?
Effective strategy. It is important that the rules become the same for all family members. Children do not understand why adults can, but they do not. It is not clear to the girl why men who are significant to her (father, brother, grandfather) can use the mat, but she is prohibited.
Whether it is connivance, hyper-care or social problems, at the heart of all this is the inattention of parents to the actual needs of the child. A socially immature, irresponsible or inexperienced parent can sometimes not even be able to explain to himself why children should not swear.
Effective strategy. If the parent still feels the burden of responsibility for his pedagogically neglected baby, but feels helpless, the best way is to contact a specialist. Get from him the necessary pedagogical advice and psychological support.
As soon as the adults are right - that is, in accordance with the age and life experience of the crumbs - rebuild the situation around him and begin to behave as a reference, the problem of foul language disappears by itself. Mentally healthy young man and himself uncomfortable in a state of constant self-defense.
It may surprise, but the cute daughter can swear simply because ... growing up! In some cases, parents do not need to focus on the problem, but only correctly direct the energy of the rebellious child to a peaceful course:
- During the period of active vocabulary expansion - 2-3 years - children sometimes repeat swear wordsand there is no problem in it. A daughter in a princess dress doesn’t stop filthy swearing at guests, all this is amusing and amusing - that's the habit. Important don't encourage these episodes in the presence of the baby: do not retell as an anecdote, do not laugh, do not show off to your friends, etc.
- By the age of the first social rebellion - 6–7 years old - A rare preschooler remains unfamiliar with a couple of vigorous curses. Weaning from dirty words depends on the level of the formed inner culture.
- Expressive actions of adolescents, their demonstrativeness, overt aggressiveness is also a variant of the norm. To eradicate the habit of "foul up", if it already exists, you can gradually as you get older, but not a ban.
The child grows and develops. On an individual path, he meets different people and situations, each of which teaches him something, regardless of parental expectations. Of course, it is rarely possible to constantly build a reality around a growing baby in which mate is a completely unacceptable part of the language. The child and obscene language occasionally collide.
The remark of the teacher. Children get an education not only during lessons. They constantly absorb our experiences, habits, copy words and actions. And the more important an adult is to a child, the more likely it is to copy its behavior as a model.
Samples for each age their own. In infants, they are mom and dad, in preschoolers, the parent of the opposite sex, in younger schoolchildren, the first teacher, and adolescents imitate each other and their idols.
And it is not age crises that are to blame for the appearance of abusive phrases in speech. In times of crisis, they come to the surface. And experience accumulates earlier - in a period called sensitive. Such periods of silent contemplation precede every age-related rebellion in a person’s life.
Watch a short video in which Dr. Komarovsky, together with a psychologist, explain how to wean a child from swearing.
The child swears at the age of 2-4 years
Vocabulary begins to form long before the first conscious phrases. So that swear words are not included in the active dictionary of the child along with the first steps, parents should avoid using the mat.
The baby understands everything! Yes, he may still not distinguish the meaning of the spoken phrases, but all that the parents say is absorbed by the brain, like a sponge. Absorbs and fixes for the future. The words accompanying their emotional coloring, gestures, facial expressions - the baby will show all this at the next age stage.
The tactic of dealing with the first mate in the second year of a child’s life comes down to emotional dialogue. Parents' emotions, as we remember, are reference ones.
If mom and dad don't like the smell of "ka-ka", then it really is "fu, ka-ka!" And mom and dad always avoid this "ka-ku". Do not admire her and do not bring home from the street until the child sees. The same with the words: if they are “bad”, then they are forbidden, regardless of the presence of the child. They should not be used by anyone under any circumstances.
I am myself, and I am like you!
In 2-4 years, when children go to kindergarten, parents have the first difficulties with explaining the rules of cultural behavior. And here the child will show all the family speech patterns that he encountered before. It is now the first time there is a problem, how to wean a child to curse.
Just saying “no!” To him, punishing, scolding or even slapping him is ineffective. The ban creates only heightened interest, and the punishment motivates action. Riot against all rules suggests a different tactic.
Self control He always comes first. We continue to follow our own speech. Any requirements for the speech of the child should be applicable to the statements of adults.
Phrases from the previous age stage "Fu, how ugly!" - do not work. The emphasis from “you are bad” is better transferred to “he is bad”: “Oh, how the boy swears! Poor his mommy, she is so ashamed ... " The secret is that it is easier for children at this age to analyze other people's behavior and to learn this analysis from external examples.
When curses are “harmoniously” included in the child’s speech, both verbs, adjectives and nouns are used, we are dealing with speech skills. To eradicate it is not so easy, requires a complete restructuring of the environment. It would be nice to send the child for summer holidays to the camp or to cultural relatives, where it is not customary to send in three letters. A few weeks in a different environment will make the baby rebuild and understand that you can live differently, and even more comfortable.
Когда в потоке озвученных детских мыслей маты проскакивают лишь для уточнения смысла или и вовсе к этому смыслу не привязаны, это слова-паразиты, значение которых не совсем понятно ребенку. Стоит поговорить с ним о том, для чего нужны эти слова и почему они уместны на стройке, но не подходят маленькой девочке с ангельским личиком.
Mother and daughter can discuss the princess code, and dad and son talk about the rules for superhero gentlemen. You can rely on well-known images that are positive in terms of speech culture: Snow White, Cinderella, Clark Kent (superman), Peter Parker (Spiderman). Imitating his hero, the crumb will cease to swear.
The manipulation of obscene language occurs either to attract attention, or to avoid this attention. In both cases, adults need to carefully revise the educational model.
Is there enough for the child? Are his true needs fulfilled? Is it getting the right attention, are the restrictions too severe? Do not condone grandmothers? Do gadgets become a way to take the baby? Didn't the uncensored Youtube replace the children's channels and the reading of useful bedtime stories?
In the fight against manipulation, the main method is ignoring. The "obscene" behavior, not noticed by adults, will force the child to look for another way to attract their attention.
Important! Whatever the origin of the mats, in 4-5 years you can cope with them through dialogue. First, find out. Does the child understand the meaning of words and phrases? Secondly, tell us about obscene language as part of a language — not literary, not acceptable to a cultured person, but existing in certain circles: among working people, in poor areas, in prisons, gangster companies, drunkards and drug addicts, etc. d.
Play on the child's knowledge of social status, tell us about the highly cultured ancestors, famous people of your family. In the story about grandfathers, mention that they were very literate, very cultured, demanding of themselves, able to speak clearly and accurately, but never used bad words.
Talk about self-esteem and respect for others. Immersion in the family pedigree and educational conversation is a way not only to get rid of the mat, but also to increase the child’s self-esteem through pride in ancestors.
Talk about the origin of swear words, their stories. Try to pick up synonyms with your child and agree that he will use synonyms instead of mats. It works exactly the opposite, because the words-synonyms such as “piss” and “priest” in a baby have already been developed prohibitions. These words are not acceptable at the table or in public places. therefore through the ban on synonyms work and the ban on the mat.
If, before this age, it was not possible to get rid of the habit of bad language, then the child will learn to control and adapt it to the society in which he is. At home, he will stop swearing, but in yard games, he may well fight and swear, "While parents do not look." To seem an adult among peers is a common way of self-affirmation.
You can show a preschooler other ways to be an adult: controlling costs, helping around the house, taking part in making decisions, the right to choose yourself (furniture, colors, holiday gifts). Conversations, therapeutic tales, work with a psychologist, a change of scenery - in the course you can use all means. But the best of them is their own example.
Let dad "throws" to swear with his son on the terms of competition. Or, listen to the street dialogue of your child, and in the evening at dinner respond without hints: “Some of the guys today cursed so terribly when you were playing! I accidentally heard and thought: "How nice that our boy does not know such words!“With conscientious children, this technique almost always works.
Carefully keep track of how and with whom the child communicates in social networks, what comments he leaves, what content he is interested in. Try to apply all possible filters to protect your silly from the flow of aggressive information and humor "below the belt".
On a note! Given that the mat in its natural form is an expression of negative emotions, you should pay attention to the psychological qualities of a growing person. Educators need to be sure that the child does not reflect his fears, resentment, heartache, anger, revenge through bad vocabulary. Otherwise it is worth urgently to contact a child psychologist.
Every parent well understands why teens are swearing. For self-affirmation, to demonstrate their adulthood, to control the situation, to protect against control of their elders. And despite the understanding of the reasons, parents of teenagers often act incorrectly, using ineffective strategies:
- directive bans
- severe penalties, restrictions, deprivation,
The teenager wants to be equal in rights, but not ready to accept equal responsibilities. He wants to be an adult, but neither psychologically nor physically ready for adult loads. The best way to communicate with a teenager is cooperation, partnership with elements of dependence of a child on an adult. Even friendship will be inappropriate here, because friends are a category of the elect in which parents are not included.
Choose workarounds. Help your teenager assert himself through creativity, sporting achievements, successful learning. Support the idols of a son or daughter, but learn to rationally evaluate the appearance and behavior of stars.
Suggest to understand the meaning of your favorite song, as in a literature lesson. Allow the child to argue and argue, encourage the ability to express a thought without a mat. And at the same time ask for what purpose the author of the rap single used an obscene speech construct: to enhance the effect (so there are brighter words!) Or simply there was no rhyme another?
Wean from the bad - through understanding. It is worth accepting that the son is really talented in folk dances, and mathematics for him is a space distance. Daughters like architecture and design, and not at all the need to continue the dynasty of physiologists. In overcoming any psychological difficulties and problems of behavior lies the acceptance of oneself and the approval of loved ones. Provide both!
Shame is a bad helper.
Do not confuse with modesty! Shame is a positive quality of character, shame is a bright negative emotion. The feeling of shame entails experiencing guilt, and guilt leads to isolation, reduced self-esteem and aggression. Verbal aggression is intensified by shame.
To understand this principle, decide for yourself: you do not like your child or his actions are unpleasant? Surely only action. That they should be blamed. The child himself must remain utterly loved.
How to make objection swearing child:
- Optimal: “You probably wanted to say that you are not happy?”
- Permissible: “I don’t like how badly you swear, it doesn’t make me feel proud of you.”
- Unacceptable: “You are a rude, unscrupulous, ugly dolt. I didn’t raise you like this. ”
Simple tricks for every day
To eradicate negative habits and character traits, it is not enough to go to a psychologist or talk once. We must constantly live with the child, constantly interact and at every step, in accordance with age, help him build the right behavior. We will try to summarize the information in the form of several short recommendations.
- Do not curse yourself and forbid it to guests and relatives.
- Do not focus on the mat from the mouth of a small child. Ignore.
- Do not find out the relationship in public. Discuss an obscene incident when you are alone.
- Do not raise your voice. Your swearing is no different from a teen mate.
- Do not use slaps. Avoid quarrels with children. Try not to quarrel with relatives.
- Do not maintain a cool image of swear words, blame the mat in someone else's speech. Try to explain your opinion with examples.
- Support the child at any age.
- Be able to respond calmly. Make cautious, but distinct remarks in accordance with age.
- Switch attention to sports, creative activities and communication in a good company.
- Talk about jargon. Teach your child to understand specific vocabulary.
- Discuss the issues of human culture in modern society. Talk about the meaning of the words "education", "education", "speech etiquette."
- Attend exhibitions, watch a good movie, evoke taste and emotional intelligence.
- Do not deny idols, support hobbies, cooperate every day.
- Encourage reading books, develop a common culture, not just speech. Draft need from the youth subculture in general, and not only from bad words.
- Control the communication of teenagers and younger students on the Internet and social networks.
- Do not delay the consultation with the teacher or psychologist, if you can not independently wean the child from the mat. The specialist will give personal advice that will help overcome the problem.
It is easier to cope with a young girl than with a teenage bully. But even the brightest character of the boy is amenable to correction. Perhaps you need a strong authoritative mentor on the side - a coach or a teacher. To stop foul language, the child will need time: the more, the older he is. Therefore, do not rush to get a quick visible result.
Scarce brought mats from kindergarten, a preschooler picked up the "new" on holidays in the village, the schoolboy began to grow up and swagger in front of his classmates, and the teenager just grew to his legitimate rebellion. For each age, choose two parallel paths:
- commitment to a common culture and its requirements
- receptions according to the age of the children.
To wean the little daughter from swearing, it is enough to switch her attention to other words, and ignore the "bad" ones.
At the age of 4–5, read good books and tales about obedient and good heroes, and establish a competition agreement with a preschooler.
It is more difficult to negotiate with a teenager; you need to enter into his world as a reputable ally. And it is impossible to do this through prohibitions and punishments!
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Why the child starts to swear
At a small age, when a child is just beginning to master it and learn new words, an abusive vocabulary becomes a snack. Why? Vivid, bright expressions that people on the street (or at home) pronounce with a special intonation. Hearing the sonorous word, the little man begins to swear unintentionally, not understanding the meaning of what was said. At the same time, it is important for parents not to emphasize that the child swears - on the contrary, it is necessary to pretend that you have not noticed anything.
It is worth focusing on the abusive word - laugh, quarrel, try to immediately explain the bad meaning - and you will hear it again and again. There is even a joke about this:
“Doctor, child swears - what to do?” - “Rejoice! Your baby has a wonderful ear and memory. ”
It is important to understand that, having received attention after what was said by the mat from the parents, the small child can then begin to manipulate you in this way. Try to be wiser and do everything in order not to use foul language and not to immerse your baby in such a society.
The younger schoolboy swears
Children a little over 6 years old always try to imitate adults in everything. This is especially true of parents who need to closely monitor their vocabulary. Often, if everyone has a negative attitude to obscene words in a family, then mom and dad begin to blame all the problems of the child’s friends or peers at school. However, this may not always be the case.
The age of 6-8 years is the period when children show their individuality. They can start swearing, just trying new unusual words in their vocabulary, as if feeling their sound and reaction to those around them. Younger schoolchildren are old enough to understand the meaning of all that is said in a profane context. Sometimes this is a way to show the so-called "coolness" or "brutality", not to be a black sheep, if suddenly other guys in the class began to swear. Usually, having matured a little, children lose this habit spontaneously.
Equally important is the sexual maturation of children aged 6-7 years. They already not only know a lot about themselves, but also understand the difference between boys and girls in principle. Sexual themes, albeit in a comic form, sometimes slips in their conversations. And swearing is largely saying intimate words. Often the child does not understand the real meaning of the word and pronounces it, except for obscenities, what he says.
And there are kids with the so-called oral vector, who early and intensively begin to speak, with whole words and sentences - only 5% of these babies are born. Foul language with them is almost always a common thing, as they clutch on any phrases that hear on the street, public transport or school. In this case, you need to make a completely different approach to solving the problem - weaning a child to swear becomes the task of not the parents, but the psychologist.
In our time, a teenager who does not swear is more likely an exception. This is especially true of boys. Demonstrative strong words in the lexicon make the child, in his opinion, adults - he feels more confident. Sometimes the mat for a teenager becomes a way of self-defense or a source of a splash of negative emotions, which at that age fluctuate from extreme to extreme. That is why psychologists believe that visiting sports sections, a swimming pool, and active loads that take the right amount of energy suppresses the desire to swear.
Another possible reason - the behavior of an idol. Famous movie characters, sportsmen, even politicians become models for role models for children. And if your child's pet swears - look for a problem in this way, here you need to do something with self-esteem, raise your own authority before your child or prove to him that he himself is an idol.
Children swear - what to do can not
Sometimes, in an outburst of anger at a child, parents threaten him for obscene language to do something offensive or painful. And well, if this is a harmless ticket to the corner, where the kid will be left alone with himself, and if something serious? In no case do not do the following in relation to a child who voluntarily or involuntarily swears:
- You can not beat at all. In particular, some parents beat their children for swearing at their lips or wash their mouths with soap and water, as if clearing away any “dirt”. Children swear - what to do? Keep yourself in the hands first. Think about the emotional state of the child, his vulnerable self-esteem, impressionability. Tough measures can lead to nervous stammering.
- It is impossible for a child to emotionally tell someone that he swears and how you intend to wean him and explain that it is impossible to do so. This focus on attention, which only exacerbates the situation. Especially you should not laugh at the mat - the child will do a lot to cheer you up again.
- You can not swear by yourself and forbid it to do a child. So you focus on the maturity of swear words. To quickly grow up, the child will swear in a double mode.
- You can not shame a child for the mat, especially in public. It is always hard to perceive and can cause severe psychological trauma.
- You can not blame the child for the first heard obscene word. Perhaps, it seemed to you or it is a random reservation. It may well be what the baby said and forgot. Mat and rough speech in principle - it is something like a bad habit. And one wrong word does not make a child an ardent matutate. Making words from a fly in this case and weaning off foul language are concepts from different “weight” categories.
- You can not just forbid a child to swear. It is important to explain why swearing is ugly, bad. It’s worth explaining what the words he said mean. Of course, you should not do it very intelligibly - pick the right words that characterize and do not become a “cherry” on the obscene cake. For example, like this: “When you say this word to a person, you hurt him very much, call him bad. We love you and want to hear only good words from you. ”
Approach the issue of education, to wean the child to swear, you need to be rational. First of all, you yourself must become an example to which you want to level. A weighty argument: “Have you ever heard such words from me? Do you know why you have not heard? To say them is below my dignity. Mat does not decorate speech, but spoils it. Friends and classmates will treat you badly if you do not stop swearing. I want to help you and tell you how important it is to learn to speak beautifully. ”
Children foul language - what should I do?
Measures that you can take if the child began to swear are different depending on the age, specific situation. But you can still reduce them to one exemplary pattern:
- Isolation from the sources of "badness". To do so that the child does not go out at all, of course, is not necessary. But you are not able to take the child with you to public places where the probability of hearing the mat is very high: sports bars, pubs, garage cooperatives, service stations and others.
- The first abusive word leave unnoticed. Оно не означает, что ребенок ругается матом – паника тут ни к чему, особенно, если малышу всего 2-3 года. Не реагируйте остро на брошенную фразу при посторонних. Make a puzzled grimace or draw bewilderment on your face, but do not scold, no matter how ashamed you are.
- Often children ask themselves to explain the meaning of a word. This suggests that they trust you. Do your best to get to the baby negative essence of the mat: bad, offensive, ugly, rude, unworthy. The second option - ask yourself to explained the meaningwhich puts in the word. And already on the basis of an explanation, draw conclusions and try to wean the child from swearing, turning his view of what was said.
- In case mate is a way to throw out negative emotions, suggest to the child another way to do it. For example, draw a source of irritation and crumple sheet. Or, too, to say something, but not offensive, which only characterizes emotions: “I am very angry,” “how angry this is me,” “I am very sorry”.
- The child says that the others also use foul language, and considers this to be an argument. Tell that beautiful speech make it higher than others, more worthy. It will be more pleasant to talk with him. If relatives among friends are swearing at children - what to do with this, their parents should think, but you have the power to prompt them to the existing problem.
- If the mat is a “trick” of an authoritative person for your baby, try it by chance offer a new idolthat behaves dramatically differently. So he disaccustomed himself to swear.
- Compare the habit of swearing with something nasty - for example, with picking the nose or scratching the priests. In the form of a fairy tale for a baby, you can invent a story where a boy or girl swore, spoke bad words, and this made them smell bad from the mouth, nobody wanted to be friends and communicate with them. Or you can come up with a game in which every obscene word will be a kind of antibonus. For example, 10 minutes, which you deduct from the time for a walk. A day without such words is somehow encouraged.
- Start up corrective games. Children love magic and very often believe in some kind of magic power. Offer to write on a piece of paper all the bad words that the child knows, and then burn it or tear it into small pieces with the words "Now they are no more." Another option is to go into the forest and allow the child to shout all the bad words he knows into the thicket, thereby releasing them forever. You can play otherwise. Let the children come up with some secret language for themselves. For example, a syllable with the same consonant but fixed vowel is added to each syllable in a word: “Solobalakala” - “Dog”. Or words-shifters: "Akchur" - "Handle". Or the “Ferversky” language that Kalle the detective used, the hero Astrid Lindgren. He added before each syllable in the word "fer": "Fer-Kolfer-Bafer-Sa" - "sausage", "Fer-Lofer-Shad" - "Horse".
- The cardinal method to wean a child swearing - take him to a psychologist or a neuropsychologist.
Children swear - what to do? Be attentive to your child from a young age. After all, mate often becomes one of the most effective ways to attract your attention. Make your speech with the child and for the sake of it more beautiful. The best method is your own positive example in everything. The kid should see that it is pleasant for you to communicate with other people, because your words are always clear, you speak with a smile and openly. Understanding you!
What is mate and why is it bad?
By swearing include all the swear words used in order to offend the interlocutor and to express their negative reaction to any phenomenon or other people. Their use is considered to be immoral and unaccepted in society. Many swear words are used not only for expressions of strong emotions, but also as words-parasites for the connection of expressions in the sentence of oral speech. What is evidence of the poor vocabulary of this person.
There are families where the use of obscene language is considered the norm. Such a language is spoken in the house, not paying attention to the opinions of others. However, the overwhelming majority of educated people have a negative attitude to this, especially the use of curses in children's speech jars them up. Parents who have heard the mate from the mouth of their offspring should think about how to wean a child off foul language. This will help him in the future to successfully and harmoniously exist in the intellectual environment and achieve heights in his career and life.
Where do children get curses?
The source from which a child takes “swear words” can be not only unfavorable family relations, but also neighbors, the Internet, television, friends, etc.
Children of any age use obscene words in different situations and in different ways:
- children of two or three years of age pick up the "scolding" often unknowingly, having heard it somewhere by chance and without even knowing the meaning,
- children of five years are more cunning and insidious: they know that this is bad and more often they swear with a specific purpose - to attract the attention of parents or other adults in any way, even if not very pleasant,
- older children (5-10 years old) use a mat to protest, thus demonstrating their independence from despotism or the disciplinary demands of elders,
- teenagers use obscene language for their own self-affirmation among their classmates, gaining authority.
Reasons for using the mat
The most common reasons for the use of swear words by children:
- the repetition of words heard in the house or from friends
- way to overcome fear for shy children, because curses give the illusion of power
- expression of negative emotions (resentment, anger, disappointment) with the help of psychological relaxation in the form of swearing.
If a child is 3-5 years old
At the age of three, children have a period of personal development, which is often accompanied by whims and a desire to do “the opposite”, and parents are not able to understand the explanations that “this is bad”. Therefore, weaning a child to use foul language in 3 years is possible only with his indifference to the spoken words. You can not blame!
When a baby says an obscene word, it is not recommended to laugh or show your emotions. Better to pretend that nothing happened. And then switch his attention to something else. If there is an opportunity to create a precedent in order to scold him for something else (for example, pick up drawing paper and strictly say that mom needs it).
Many children at this age easily capture the emotions that accompany pronouncing swear words, and understand what adults say when they are angry. Often they provoke parents and check their reactions, finding out for themselves the limits of possible disobedience. To disaccustom a child to swear at the age of 4, it is already possible to try to explain that bad words can offend a person and agree that it is better not to pronounce them in your family.
The child of 5-7 years old swears what to do?
Already at the age of 5, children are able to understand that swearing is bad, at that age they are already beginning to fear punishment. Therefore, to answer the question of how to disaccustom a child to foul at 5 years old, parents are advised to use the “carrot and stick” method. After explaining about the ugly and indecent words of the baby, you can be warned about the coming punishment for repeating the situation. Be sure to follow your promise, because then the child will no longer believe that corrective measures will be taken against him for consuming words (they will not be allowed to watch cartoons or buy ice cream).
One of the methods to disaccustom a child to foul at 6 years old can be “fairy tale therapy”. At this age, all the girls dream of becoming princesses, and boys - knights. We just need to invent a fairy tale about how the “bad” words kidnapped the princess, who was then saved by a knight, etc.
Saying bad words by children in kindergarten or at home is often caused by the desire to attract the attention of adults, especially in children deprived of parental care. In such a situation, it is necessary to analyze the attitude towards your child, contact him more often, ask about experiences and hobbies, but not read morality.
How to wean a child swear at 7 years old
At the age of 7-8, children enter the age when the desire for independence increases, as many already go to school, where they communicate more with their peers. It is there that they can hear new, not quite decent words. Parents, trying to impose strict requirements, receive in response protests, which are often expressed in rudeness and the use of the mat. In such a situation, psychologists advise to gradually reduce custody of the child, more often to give him a choice, exercising at the same time soft control.
To disaccustom a child to censure at the age of 7, you should teach him to express his anger in a different way and control his own emotions:
- ask him to talk about what he doesn’t like and find out who he is angry with, but without using obscene language,
- promise your child your support,
- try to find out from him the goals he wants to achieve, and offer assistance in their implementation or find an alternative.
The main task in such a situation is to teach the child to cope with their negative emotions, without resorting to insulting other people, and to know that parents will always support him.
When a child is 8-10 years old
After a period of adaptation, children of primary school age are well mastered among their classmates and begin to stare at those who are older, trying to imitate them, in order to appear more mature. This is often manifested in the use of curses. Methods how to disaccustom a child to curse at 8 years and older should be different from children.
At this age, young people will be interested to learn that the use of the mat is very common among criminals and gangsters, what parents should talk about. Psychologists recommend showing films about the lives of those who fall into the children's colony, while you should take this issue seriously, because late child perception may change. Due to poor communication at school, he will form a distorted look at the ways of expressing his emotions and the culture of speech.
At the age of 8-10 years, many children choose the ideal role model in the form of a cartoon character or a movie, a popular singer, etc. If the chosen hero uses obscene language, then the child begins to copy it, trying to seem so more adult and strong. The task of parents who are trying to wean a child at the age of 10 and 9 is not to “flush” the hero, but to explain why it is worth imitating only the best features of a given person, rather than copying his faults, which include mate.
Your child should understand that blind imitation of another person is not correct, you should learn independent thinking and the ability to formulate your thoughts in normal words. During such a period, parents need to keep track of what the younger generation is reading and what films are watched by the younger generation.
When a child is 10-12 years old
Growing up children often try to veil their social problems in life with bad words: bad relationships with classmates, parents, failures in the game of football and others. Hearing reproaches and criticism from all sides, they understand that they are considered bad and begin to behave accordingly negatively, using obscene expressions.
Here are some recommendations on how to disaccustom a child to foul in 10 years and older: parents should make efforts to raise the self-esteem of the younger generation, help him to establish contacts with peers, it is better not to use offensive nicknames (ignorant, slut, lazy), and express wishes in softer form. For example, you can say this: "I am upset by your unwillingness to clean the room ...".
Tips and tricks from psychologists
Ways of educating and applying methods to disaccustom a child to obscenity depend entirely on the age and nature of the offspring, as well as the sequence of the rules implemented by the parents themselves. Therefore, the main recommendations are as follows:
- never use swear words in your family or swear in the presence of children
- pay attention to the offspring of the fact that the mat is usually a sign of the ignorance and backwardness of people who could not achieve success in life,
- if after an educational conversation the child continues to express itself actively, then it is better to punish him, having clearly explained the reason,
- try to form a positive self-esteem in the child so that he can consider himself a person and not try to imitate others,
- provide constant psychological and social assistance to their children in order to protect them from a hostile world in time, otherwise they will begin to defend themselves using their own methods, using profanity,
- to observe and correct (while it is possible at an early age) social circle, help to make good friends,
- an original but effective method is considered to increase the availability of a stock of expletives: to give a read a dictionary or a collection of profanity,
- We can disaccustom a teenager only if we establish friendly and trusting relations with him, speak frankly and, finding the reason for this behavior, make a proposal to use other ways of communicating with your friends.
The most important thing is that the struggle with the foul language does not affect the relations in the family, which should always be friendly and benevolent.
They say that you need a personal example to show the child that you can not swear. Good. And with peers, he communicates? Is the TV watching? Is he familiar with the Internet? In this case, a personal example will work only when you are the coolest of all. Sorry for the expression, but it is. Sometimes an intelligent mother has less weight in the eyes of a child than a swearing classmate.
Be almost a deity to your son. But not the one to be worshiped. And those who want to imitate. Parents can not use unprintable expressions, but it is only once to make an unacceptable act in front of the baby and that's it. Authority is lost.
What to do? Increase your credibility. Joint pastime is very conducive to this. You need to start from childhood, and not when a teenager gives you a "masterpiece" of verbal creativity. The character of a person is formed by 5 years. So manage to gain confidence up to this age. After you have to work hard.
Play his games, read his books, learn to understand what is now fashionable in his environment. Then you can gently bring the child to the right path. Well, do not swear.
How to respond
Your baby for the first time when you dirty swore? Do not rush to slap his ass or stomp his feet with loud cries of prohibition. And even more so do not dare to scold him when outsiders. What do you care about what others think? Apologize if confused. It's enough. It is advisable not to show a positive (smile, laughter), even if the mat in the mouth of the baby sounds ridiculous.
What to do? Think, and he himself realized that he was swearing? Ask the child what the spoken word means? How does he know him? Why did you decide to use it now? And only after all he heard, decide what to do. Naturally, it is necessary to be interested between times, in a familiar voice, without changing intonation. And even more so categorically you can not angrily demand an answer! Could not resist and broke the cry? Hang your mind clasps - you are now strongly shaken your credibility.
Age 2–5 years. It is possible that the baby does not even know the meaning of the abusive word. Instead of preaching about the prohibitions and threats of all the heavens, just explain that it is not nice to say so. If he answers that he often hears such an expression, then you can tell that not everything in this world has a beautiful appearance.
It is advisable to transfer the conversation in a different direction. It is usually difficult for children at that age to concentrate on one thing for too long. Therefore, it is possible that the expletive word will soon be forgotten forever.
Age 5-9 years. During this period, the kids very much want to appear mature and independent. And by the way, most of them already understand quite well the meaning of swear words. Therefore it is necessary to act by the method of the reverse.
Explain to the child that it is simply not possible to express in unprintable words. And if he continues to do this, then everyone around him will consider him a little silly. Often, the child from a sense of contradiction ceases to use foul language in speech. Or for others to consider him quite adult.
Just do not forget to encourage the child, to praise and remind more often: “You are very big with me!”.
Ages older than 10. By this time, there are already certain leaders and idols among teenagers. Sometimes they win their popularity far from being white and fluffy. And the children are now in the process of isolating and actively searching for the white crows. And, perhaps, in the yard or in the classroom, the little man has to prove that he is like everyone else. If the child declares to you that he is cursing because everyone is doing this, then explain to him that he is unique. That being an individual, not a gray mass is cool and prestigious. So, if everyone uses abusive speech, then he should not do this.
The sense of contradiction works well in this age. If you send it in the right direction, you can achieve excellent results. Например, разрешите своему ребенку выражаться всегда и везде, где он захочет. Обычно дети назло родителям поступают наоборот.
Если ваше чадо не стремится противоречить вам, то есть другой способ. Нужно подробно рассказать о том, что уважения в обществе может достичь не тот человек, который использует мат в повседневной речи. А только тот, кто знает когда можно материться.
Sometimes parents themselves really can’t give worthy arguments why it’s impossible to express unprintables. And they act in the old, antiquated way: they punish. This method can not be used in a single expression or if the kid accidentally uttered a word heard somewhere. But it works great with those little hooligans who deliberately use forbidden expressions.
It is strictly not recommended to use physical force in any of its manifestations! A classic cuff or whipping belt will not benefit. Is that only the child harbors an insult to you.
What to do? Forbid. Want to walk? Let him stay at home. Want to go to the store with you? Nothing to do there. Used to surf the internet? Take a laptop or tablet. Do not be fooled by pleading, tears, threats. Take into account only the promise no longer cursing.
In case of repeated prohibit more serious things. Choose your favorite. Cruel? Of course. But no other way. The child is very good at manipulating parents and getting everything on demand. For normal social adaptation, the child should know what a ban is and the rules of good behavior in society.
Some more tips
Sometimes the kid expresses his emotions with unprintable words: admiration, surprise, fear. In this case, we recommend that you try to enrich the vocabulary of the child. After all, there are so many synonyms that express the whole gamut of feelings beautifully and richly. You can teach a lesson like a game. And it is not at all necessary to devote to this specially allotted time. For example, on the way to the garden. Saw a luxurious flower bed. Ask your child to describe it with good words. When he begins to repeat, then tell him new ones.
Of course, for this you yourself must have a good vocabulary. If Mommy speaks speech, like Ellochka-cannibal, then what kind of language can talk about?
It is possible to enrich the child’s speech not only by reading books or special educational programs. Show your kid some black and white movies of 1960-69. Especially with the participation of Ephraim or Doronina. There are such monologues, shake! And it is not necessary to force the kid to watch them. Let him engage in your favorite toy, and the film goes as a background.
Let the child not learn theatrical speech, but at least correct beautiful expressions will be stored in the memory. A Japanese cartoons with exclamations instead of the text, he still has time to see a lot.
When communicating with peers, more advanced comrades enlighten an inquisitive teenager on the topic of sex. And in the expressions do not hesitate. The child uses the mat in the context of the designation of body parts or the process of copulation? So what's stopping you from taking a children's textbook on physiology and teaching your child to call them literate words, and not cursing?
Sometimes the child, hearing a new expression, asks the parents what it means. No need to grasp the picture of the heart and drink valerian revealing. You do not play in the theater. Do not try to blame your soulmate for the baby's promiscuity, especially in his presence. This is a shame first of all for you.
Quietly we find out from the scion, how he recognized him. Remember the heroes of several jokes, perhaps the child simply did not hear the phrase or pronounced it incorrectly. If this is a scolding, then without raising your voice, we explain. What is this bad expression, it is used when they want to offend another person. And we must interpret that they use bad people too. Otherwise, the baby will in its own way “offend” the one who caused him trouble.
Sometimes it happens that all your attempts end in defeat. A son continues to shout curses at every step. Then you have to go to a psychologist. Your child may have a rare disease.
How to wean a child to swear? Observe your own culture of speech, talk more with it and less focus on the expletive words.
Mat - how bad is it?
Mat - swear words, the use of which is contrary to generally accepted morality. Most often they are used to insult the interlocutor or to negatively assess people and phenomena, that is, to express emotions and vivid argumentation. In some cases, curses are used to link words in a sentence, being “parasites”. This only indicates a poor vocabulary.
Can the child use mats in speech? Is it bad or normal? Only his parents are able to give answers to these questions. In some families, everyone speaks the "obscene language" and think that this is the way it should be, this does not concern anyone. However, most people perceive obscene language negatively, especially from the mouth of a child.
Harsh words cut off hearing, cause unpleasant emotions and form a negative perception of the interlocutor. If the “strong” expression is pronounced by an adult in the heat of passion or in a situation where he is in pain, then this can be justified. As a parasitic word matyugi suggest the idea of intellectual limitation. Successful and educated people do not scold "right and left." Parents who want their child to harmoniously fit into the society and reach certain heights should correct his speech.
It is necessary to explain to the child that obscure and insecure people swear obscenities
The causes of obscene and reaction to it are specific for each age. It is worth noting that the temporal boundaries are indicative, since the psycho-emotional maturation of each child is individual.
From 2 to 5 years: what to do with a small "talker"?
A mate pronounced by a child at 2 years old is most often the result of speech imitation. Hearing a new word from an angry dad or a passing aunt, the kid repeats it, absolutely not understanding the meaning. In such a situation it is best not to react. It is important not to laugh and not be touched, otherwise the crumb will try to please the parents, continuing to repeat the funny expression for everyone. Categorically you can not blame him. He simply does not understand the reason for this. In addition, it will lead to a focus on the problem.
A son or daughter of 3-4 years old must be told that such phrases are rude curses and offend others. It is necessary to make a calm and strict suggestion: “In our family, such expressions are not pronounced.”
It is necessary to calmly and correctly explain to the child that such words are not used in his family.
From 5 to 8 years: how to reason the abusive?
At 5-7 years old, the motive for swearing in kindergarten (at school) or at home is the desire to attract the attention of parents. Of course, foul language causes a negative reaction, but for a child who lacks participation in his life by mom and dad, shouts, outrage and punishment are a manifestation of attention.
With a son or daughter you need to talk about behavior. Let the child explain what he really wants to say when he says the mats, as he understands their meaning. It is likely that the heir is not fully aware of what exactly obscene expressions mean. It is important to convey that utter such words is bad.
Parents should definitely analyze how often they communicate with the child, how they build relationships. If communication is reduced only to consumer services, checking homework and “reading morals”, then the child’s desire to draw attention is completely legitimate. It should be interested in the hobbies of the child, talk with him about his experiences, spend leisure time together.
At 7-8 years old, the child experiences a crisis, manifested in the desire for independence. He needs a reasonable expansion of the boundaries of freedom. If parents continue to make tough or conflicting demands, this inevitably leads to protest, which is sometimes expressed in pronouncing harsh words. It should gradually remove the inclusive care, give the right to choose, but continue to gently control the child.
Another reason for obscene language in the speech of the heir may be the inability to express anger in a different way. He needs to be taught to control his emotions:
- let him say that he is not satisfied, what / whom he is angry with - of course, without foul language,
- it is important to express your support for him,
- It should be learned from the offspring, what goal he wants to achieve in this situation, to help in its implementation or to offer an alternative.
The main thing is for the child to know: he should not be ashamed of his emotions and can count on his parents. It should teach him to cope with anger without insulting other people.
Anger is a normal emotion, however, it must be expressed without obscene words.
From 8 to 10 years: how to wean curses?
At the age of 8-10, children often choose a role model for themselves, and not always positive. It can be a friend, a hero of a film / cartoon, a singer. If the "ideal" curses, then the child will follow his example, wishing to appear as adult, strong, courageous, or cheerful.
The task of parents in such a situation is to explain why it is impossible to swear. Do not "trample into the dirt" of the hero. It is better to say that the sample chosen by the child has certain positive features, but it also has drawbacks, for example, the use of obscene words. It is important to focus on the fact that one of the attributes of adulthood is independence in the formulation of opinions and decision-making, and not blind imitation of the “ideal”. It is worth trying to push it to the choice of another sample. In addition, it is important to keep track of what movies, programs and cartoons watching scion.
If a ten-year-old child swears, he can thus compensate for his lack of success in one of the spheres of social life: he does not have relationships with his parents, classmates, or does not play good football. At the same time he hears criticism and reproaches. The thought creeps into his head: "Since everyone thinks I am bad, I will become so." As a result, obscene words appear in his speech.
Parents need to raise their offspring's self-esteem, recognize his success, help him establish contacts, and also stop “pressing” him. For example, if the son’s room is in a terrible mess, you can’t call him a slut and a lazy dog. It is better to tell him about your feelings: "It upsets me that you still haven’t done the cleaning."
Sometimes a children's mat is a way to assert itself and prove its worth.
From 10 to 16 years: how to find a common language?
In adolescence, children swear with the aim of self-affirmation among peers and infusion into the team. It seems to the child that he will not be accepted and will not be understood if he does not use “strong words” in personal communication with friends or on social networks.
For a child of 10-14 years old mate is a way of protection from a hostile world. Behind obscene words he hides his weaknesses and fears. It seems to him that while uttering mats, he becomes more mature, and also inspires fear and respect for others.
Mat can be a form of aggression. Psychologists believe that this is a normal stage in the development of the personality; every child should go through it. The aggression that did not spill out in due time can lead to various psychological problems in the future.
If a child does not have any particular difficulties in the family or in a team, then by the age of 14-16, the need for obscene words will disappear by itself. He uses coarse vocabulary less and less, usually to express emotions, and then his speech is cleared.
What should parents do if the offspring in childhood or adolescence began to swear? Ways of behavior correction depend on the age of the child, his character and psycho-emotional state, but there are some general recommendations:
- It is necessary to ensure that the child does not hear the mat from other people, primarily from parents. Otherwise, to explain something to him is useless.
- While talking about the mats, the offspring should pay attention to how bad they sound, how unpleasant to hear them. It is important to point out that usually the mat is part of the speech of those people who have not been able to achieve success in life. However, there is no need to generalize - one swear word does not make a criminal or a maniac out of a child.
- If an educational conversation was conducted with the child, but he continues to swear, it makes sense to punish him, but not too harshly. For example, it is worth depriving him of watching a cartoon. In this case, it is necessary to clearly explain why he is punished.
- Weaning a teenager from curses is the hardest. Strict measures usually only exacerbate the problem. In this case, it is important to establish a trusting relationship with your son or daughter, hold a heart-to-heart talk, try to figure out why he swears, and suggest other ways of communication.
- The original way to deal with the mat is to turn it from the “forbidden fruit” into the affordable one. A possible course of action is to give your child to read a dictionary of profanity.
The use of mate in speech can be compared with addiction. It affects the body less destructively than nicotine or alcohol, but leads to depletion of vocabulary. It is necessary to monitor what affects the culture of the child's speech, correct the negative points. It is important not just to ban obscene language, but to explain what is bad in it and how it can harm. If the parents do not manage to cope with the problem themselves, it is better to contact a psychologist. Sustained use of mats by a child indicates difficulties with self-identification and family communication.